All Hail Theo

They are going crazy for Theo Epstein in Chicago. It’s as if Cubs fans are confusing him with another Theo from Boston, Theodore Samuel Williams.

Talk about your reputation preceding you. During a couple of days in Chicago I was bowled over by the Lionizing of Theo. It’s as if Cubs fans expect him to snap his fingers and make 103 years of aggravation disappear. He’s been in ChiTown for about 10 days and already he is bigger than Brian Urlacher, Mayor Richard Daley I, and Bobby Hull. Well, Cubs fans have always had blind faith.

When the Cubs nailed down the acquisiton of Epstein from the Red Sox the media did everything but interrupt this program to inform the populace that the savior was on his way to a time zone nearer them.

This is the way it gets in the modern world of the Internet, gossip onemanship, brash newspapering, and talking radio where every hint of a scrap of a tidbit of rumor passes as news. If I were Theo I’d make a quick tour of Chicago’s finest restaurants–and Chicago is a good eating town–hitting a steak place here, trying the deep dish pizza there, Harry Caray’s Restaurant, and making sure to sample the hot dogs. Then it’s time to retreat into the bunker and try to fix what’s broke, which is just about everything about the Cubs.

Now that Epstein has raided the San Diego Padres for some of his old cronies from Boston (Hey, guys, we’re putting the band back together!), the most interesting things on the horizon are A) Who he is going to trade for himself? and B) Who he is going to trade for the administrators from San Diego? Both the Red Sox and Padres expect compensation.

Here’s a wild and crazy idea for Epstein when it comes to the player to be named later for the Red Sox: Trade Carlos Zambrano to the Red Sox for himself. Zambrano has worn out his welcome so thoroughly with the Cubs organization that if he were a table cloth you could see through him. It’s just about impossible to picture him pitching for the Cubs again and he’s got a huge contract. Fact is, if he can control his meltdowns, temper tantrums, and such woes he could still pitch well for someone else. The Red Sox’s starting rotation has so many casualties and questionmarks it looks as if the front five were among the first ashore at Omaha Beach. Zambrano could actually be a big help for the Sox and big weight off the Cubs’ salary chart.

Then comes the question of who to part with for Jed Hoyer. It would be nice if the ghost of Lou Piniella was a bargaining chip, but it’s not. If Epstein wants to remain a Cubs hero, he could find a way to talk the Padres into taking Alfonso Soriano off his hands. The Padres probably could use one more hitter. The Cubs need more salary cap space. Win-win. Right? Right? Right? Well, he can try.