Dec 3, 2012; Nashville, TN, USA; New York Yankees general manager Brian Cashman answers questions from the media during the Major League Baseball winter meetings at the Gaylord Opryland Hotel. Mandatory credit: Don McPeak-USA Today Sports

The Yankees find themselves in an interesting position these days. The whole Alex Rodriguez thing and all that. There are a lot of potential moves to explore, a lot of ins and outs and whathaveyous. There’s insurance claims and PED suspicions and busted old hips and over 100 million dollars on the line. And people are talking, sources, even. There is Word and whenever there is Word in sports it is the Sports Journalists who are to pass on the Word and tell us what it means. Jon Heyman is one such Sports Journalist, and he would like everyone to know about this complicated insurance business surrounding A-Rod and how it all applies to the New York Yankees Baseball Club. Here’s what he has submitted for our consideration:

Teams don’t insure a lot of position players but the Yankees wisely insured A-Rod’s record $275-million pact, and word is significant missed time could result in the Yankees recovering 80 percent of the bucks due A-Rod, provided the insurer doesn’t put up its own stink.

Rock solid. Why haven’t the Yankees already started this process? Provided the insurer doesn’t put up its own stink, then this plan of action if foolproof. A-Rod is insured, the Yankees stand to recover a gross sum of money were they to file a claim with the insurer. If I know anything about insurance companies, it’s that they are completely reasonable, eager to service the needs of their customers, and never, ever, put up their own stink. That my friends, is what we call a slam dunk home run. As a matter of fact, following this logical thread to its inevitable conclusion, I now see a whole shitload of awesome baseball moves the Yankees can make using this new line of thinking. Moves such as:

• Swing a trade for ace pitcher Felix Hernandez, provided the Seattle Mariners don’t put up their own stink.
• Sign star second baseman Robinson Cano to a long-term, below market value contract extension, provided Cano doesn’t put up his own stink.
• Win every single baseball game next season, provided all of their opponents don’t put up their own stink.
• Hire an unsavory former gambler-type to investigate and “dig up dirt” on Rodriguez in an attempt to hasten his exit from the team, provided—oh, wait.
• Move aging superstar and franchise icon Derek Jeter to left field as to benefit from stronger defense at the shortstop position, provided Jeter doesn’t put up his own stink.
• Bring back beloved owner and managing partner George Steinbrenner from the dead to lead the team to glory, provided the limits of human mortality, space, and time don’t put up their own stink.

Kyle writes baseball nonsense at The Trance of Waiting. You can follow him on Twitter @AgainstKyle.

Oct 16, 2012; Detroit, MI, USA; New York Yankees infielder Alex Rodriguez gestures before game three of the 2012 ALCS against the Detroit Tigers at Comerica Park. Mandatory Credit: William Perlman/THE STAR-LEDGER via USA TODAY Sports

Alex Rodriguez, the New York Yankees enigmatic third baseman, finds himself embroiled in another performance enhancing drug controversy, the most recent being the second substantial ordeal of his career. The first came in 2009, when Rodriguez publicly admitted to using PEDs for a three year period, beginning in 2001. The second came yesterday, when Rodriguez was named in a report by the Miami New Times linking banned substances and many MLB players. Long lauded as a paragon of truth and righteousness by fans and media members alike, this second PED scandal may prove strong enough to forever tarnish the previously pristine historical legacy of the slugging Adonis.

All across the expanse of the baseballing nation, scribes of the sport have begun to reckon with the reality of Alex Rodriguez: Fallen Hero. From CBS Sports, Danny Knobler is quite clearly struggling mightily to nurse a profoundly broken heart. To whom will Knobler’s children now submit their faith? What are we without our shining stars? Are we anything at all?

ESPN’s Ian O’Connor is faced with a similar quandary. Long one of the most vocal and public admires of Rodriguez’s prodigious baseball talents, work ethic, and integrity, how is O’Connor to move on? What sort of dishonor has he brought upon his station as sports journalist if he could be so gullible, the wool pulled over his eyes so easily? O’Connor was naive enough to believe in the innocent myth of baseball, that grown men could play a children’s game and stand for something more, something greater. He is left now with nothing but the devastated remains of his champion’s reputation—once clean, now soiled.

Ken Rosenthal was witnessed in the center of a busy thoroughfare on fallen knee, wailing towards the Heavens. Jon Heyman has not moved from his bed, or blinked, in over 36 hours.

Pray for these men, the pure of heart, the men who dared to dream. For they have been betrayed. We all have. The only solace we are left with, now, in this dark time, is the knowledge that we will recover, but Alex Rodriguez’s legacy will not. Time will heal our wounds, mend our souls, but Rodriguez will remain marked, scarred by his previous deception and now reported involvement in further malfeasance. Alex Rodriguez has made his bed, sort of, maybe all the way, and now he must lie in it. His frayed and tattered remnants of honor that remain will not be enough to keep him warm.

Kyle writes baseball nonsense at The Trance of Waiting. You can follow him on Twitter @AgainstKyle.

Nov 29, 2012; Atlanta, GA, USA; Atlanta Braves president John Schuerholz and manager Fredi Gonzalez announce the signing of outfielder B.J. Upton during a press conference at Turner Field. Mandatory Credit: Daniel Shirey-USA TODAY Sports

The Arizona Diamondbacks and Atlanta Braves have made a baseball trade. And the Upton brothers are getting together! Justin Upton will be joining brother B.J. in Atlanta along with third-baseman Chris Johnson, in exchange for the versatile Martin Prado, pitcher Randall Delgado, shortstop prospect Nick Ahmed, third-base prospect Brandon Drury, and pitching prospect Zeke Spruill. There are a lot of moving parts to be discussed here, and we’ll leave that kind of crack analysis to those who actually know what they’re talking about. I’m here to analyze the Upton Brothers angle, and what exactly they might be up to now that they’re together on the same team. Yesterday, Bossman Junior took to Twitter to express his hope that him and Justin might one day share a Major League outfield. Now that the dream has become a reality, the two brothers no doubt have a lot of big plans on how to best spend their time together.

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Apr 12, 2012; Philadelphia, PA, USA; Philadelphia Phillies general manager Ruben Amaro Jr during batting practice prior to playing the Miami Marlins at Citizens Bank Park. Mandatory Credit: Howard Smith-USA TODAY Sports

Ruben Amaro leans back in his chair and swivels one-half turn to face the windows behind his desk. His back is to the door. He gently closes his right fist and taps his knuckles on the arm rest. He glances at his watch, is unmoved by the time, looks upwards and closes his eyes. The phone rings. He opens his eyes. In the reflection of the dark windows he can see the plastic light of the device flashing orange and intermittent. He turns and faces his desk, lets the ringing go unanswered three more times. He picks up the phone.

Amaro: Hello?

Zduriencik: Ruben.

A: Oh, good evening, Jack. I didn’t think it would be you.

Z: No? No, I suppose you wouldn’t.

A: It’s been a while.

Z: Indeed, it has been. Are you busy?

A: I’m always busy, Jack, you know that. But what’s up?

Z: I have to admit, you’re not the only one surprised at this communication.

A: Oh?

Z: I spent quite a while debating on whether or not to call.

A: Sounds serious.

Z: Oh, nothing like that. Not what you think, really.

A: Then what is it?

Z: I just …

A: …

Z: I just wanted to say thank you, that’s all.

A: Thank you?

Z: Yes, thank you. That’s really the only reason I called. I just wanted you to know I was grateful.

A: I’m afraid I don’t follow. Grateful? Grateful for what?

Z: It’s been a rough offseason, Ruben.

A: They all are, Jack.

Z: Yes, yes they are. This one’s just really put me through the wringer, you know?

A: You don’t need to tell me, Jack. But I still don’t see how this leads to you thanking me.

Z: I mean, I signed Raul Ibanez, for christsakes.

A: …

Z: Raul Ibanez.

A: He’s a fine player.

Z: Yeah, yeah, sure he is. I mean, of course, he is. But it starts to add up, you know? First Hamilton didn’t want us, and it was like, yeah, sure, whatever, fine. We tried. Then all the complications with Swisher, and he ended up in Cleveland and all that. Raul—yes, he’s great. Love him. But then Upton turned us down. He just said no, just like that. What a roller coaster, what a nightmare.

A: And you’re thanking me because …

Z: What a f—ing nightmare.

A: Yes, Jack.

Z: And then Morse? Morse? That’s where I’m at right now, I guess. Mike Morse. That’s it, that’s the reality.

A: He’s a fine player.

Z: …

A: …

Z: I just wanted to say thanks, is all. Can I just say thanks?

A: Sure you can, but I still don’t understand why or for what.

Z: Just thank you, Ruben. Thank you.

A: Jack—

Z: Goodnight, Ruben.

A: Jack, wait—

Ruben Amaro leaned in to speak but the line on the other end was dead. He pulled the phone from his ear and stared at it. The orange light was no longer flashing, no longer lit. He hung up the phone and sat down. He looked towards the door. He thought he saw the doorknob turn but it didn’t.

Kyle writes baseball nonsense at The Trance of Waiting. You can follow him on Twitter @AgainstKyle.

Sep 8, 2012; Washington, DC, USA; Washington Nationals outfielder ichael Morse (38) is unable to make the catch on a single hit by Miami Marlins catcher John Buck (not pictured) during the fifth inning at Nationals Park. Mandatory Credit: Brad Mills-USA TODAY Sports

The Seattle Mariners were part of a baseball trade yesterday, one in which they shipped away Catcher/DH/Outdoor Enthusiast John Jaso and received 1B/DH/Lumbering Giant Michael Morse in return. There were other details involved but they’re of no concern to us at this moment. What is important, is that the Seattle Mariners are a baseball team, and on their team, they now have baseball players. Many of these baseball players profile in similar ways and play similar defensive positions in a similar not-good manner. Those players are as follows: The recently discussed Michael Morse, Kendrys Morales, Raul Ibanez, Jason Bay, Justin Smoak, Mike Carp, Casper Wells, and Eric Thames. Talk about logjammin’.

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September 14, 2011; Boston, MA, USA; Boston Red Sox left field Carl Crawford (13) makes a throw during the fifth inning against the Toronto Blue Jays at Fenway Park. Mandatory Credit: Greg M. Cooper-USA TODAY Sports

Reports are swirling that Carl Crawford, recent addition to the Los Angeles Dodgers baseball team, has begun to throw a baseball. Mark Saxon kicked off the media firestorm yesterday with this scintillating story. Attempting to return from reconstructive surgery on his left, throwing elbow, Crawford has recently begun to pick up, hold, and then throw a baseball. These are the facts. There remains a high probability that Crawford has started to throw a baseball various lengths, probably from shorter distances at first, followed by a slow progression to longer throws, and so on. These throws were more than likely accompanied by a catching and throwing partner, with Crawford expected to catch return tosses himself, one would assume with a baseball mitt.

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October 1, 2012; Pittsburgh, PA, USA; Official baseballs lay on the field before the Atlanta Braves and Pittsburgh Pirates game at PNC Park. Mandatory Credit: Charles LeClaire-USA TODAY Sports

Baseball is not a person.

It does not have a face, or a heart, or a brain.

Baseball is not alive.

It does not need help, or assistance, or protection.

Baseball is.

Baseball is a game.

Baseball is innocent when played by children but not innocent when played by men.

This is how it has always been, and how it always will be.

Baseball’s soul is safe on the Little League fields, where it belongs.

It’s there for you to visit, when you start to feel old.

Baseball doesn’t think, or feel, or care.

Baseball is not a person.

Baseball is not alive.

Long live baseball.

Kyle writes baseball nonsense at The Trance of Waiting. You can follow him on Twitter @AgainstKyle.

July 16, 2011; Seattle, WA, USA; Seattle Mariners former player Edgar Martinez (left) stands with current right fielder Ichiro Suzuki before a game with the Texas Rangers at Safeco Field. The game was in celebration of the 2001 won team won 115 regular season games. Mandatory Credit: James Snook-USA TODAY Sports

The Hall of Fame voting season is driving me crazy. I just can’t stand it, man. I told myself that I wasn’t going to care this year, that I wouldn’t let all of the expected nonsense and grandstanding drag me down. Pitcher Wins, Character, Grit, Look at Me, Morals, Jack Morris, Ethics, No Seriously Look At Me I’m Important—I was done letting all of that get to me. And then it started. I doubt I need to rehash it all here. One of the most complex and stacked collections of eligible players of all time and probably not a one is going to make the cut. This is because the all powerful and conflicted and innocent and tortured baseball writers can’t be bothered to exercise a collective shred of common sense or nuanced thought. Let us pray for them and their immeasurable burden.

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The great part about this blog post is that Jose Canseco has already done all of the heavy lifting. When I sit down to write about the happenings of base and ball, I hope make a few comedy jokes that aren’t terrible and/or discuss a topic of interest with some semblance of reasonable intelligence. Mr. Canseco, his mere presence able to get us out of the blogging blocks rather rapidly, has gone above and beyond the expectations of his station by providing all the comedy and intrigue a baseball scribe could ask for, bless his heart. The trick is now not to mess it up, to let the ingredients shine on their own without a whole lot of tinkering and messing about. We want to heighten the content, without overpowering. When the ball is placed gently on a tee in front of a batter, a large swing and miss is all the more embarrassing. In this scenario yours truly is the batter, and the swinging is the writing and the ball is the blog post. Although Jose Canseco is a noted slugger of baseballs, so I could understand that it’s sort of a confusing metaphor. Oh god, it’s already happening.

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Oct 16, 2012; Detroit, MI, USA; New York Yankees general manager Brian Cashman on the phone before game three of the 2012 ALCS against the Detroit Tigers at Comerica Park. Mandatory Credit: Tim Fuller-USA TODAY Sports

Reports are circulating through all major news outlets and social media networks that baseball general managers are talking to each other. Sources indicate that major discussion points include: baseball players, the salaries of said baseball players, the service time and arbitration statuses of said baseball players, potential transactions involving some combination of baseball players and currency between teams, how these baseball players feel—both physically  as well as mentally—and also local weather patterns and perfunctory health inquires and whatnot. Oh it’s been raining here for the last few days, what about there? and I’m feeling fine, how about yourself? things of that nature. Standard social politeness and all that.

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