Other Tweets Considered by Jeremy Guthrie Following Being Traded
By Kyle Davis
Yesterday, the Baltimore Orioles traded a baseball player to the Colorado Rockies in return for two other baseball players. Jeremy Guthrie and two other guys. I’m not so interested in the details because it feels like the two organizations made these pretty much lateral moves out of what I can only assume is complete and total boredom with the lack of Major League Baseball being played. I like to imagine my own lack of inner faculty and resourcefulness as on par with that of two multi-million dollar businesses with thousands of employees and daily operations. Nonetheless, in these (thankfully) waning days of the MLB offseason, it was a notable transaction that was discussed for a while. Things like this is all we have at the present moment, those of us who have foolishly dedicated our time and efforts to producing words about the sport of baseball. Our own Joe Soriano covered the trade valiantly and with great swiftness of keyboard and I tend to agree with him; it was kind of a head-scratcher for both teams. If this was the best the O’s were offered for Guthrie, it’s hard to understand why they would part with a longtime player and fan favorite for such an underwhelming, if not fair, return. As for the Rockies, I suppose they’re targeting a certain type of pitcher and are more optimistic about Guthrie’s underlying skill set than I. There’s no doubt more analysis one could offer at this point but Joe already took care of that for me and so I quit.
No, what interests me more about this whole ordeal is the way in which Jeremy Guthrie publicly spoke about the trade. This definitely says something about who I am as a person but let’s ignore all that for now. Guthrie confirmed via Twitter that he was headed to Colorado like this:
If I’m not mistaken (and it would be kind of hilarious if I was), that is a reference to the popular American film “The Wizard of Oz!” Now that we know Mr. Guthrie to be a complete and total cinema geek, I don’t feel like it would irresponsible at all or a waste of anyone’s time to speculate a great deal about other potential movie related tweets he may have considered before this one. Some possibilities are as follows. Feel free to chime in with your own because there’s no way I don’t do a terrible job at this. I say “don’t” instead of “didn’t” because I’m writing this entire introduction before coming up with even one single example. Professionalism!
Other Tweets Considered by Jeremy Guthrie Following Being Traded
“I love the smell of Denver in the morning.” Just got my papers saying I’ve been shipped out to @Rockies #MLB #Kurtz
“I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!” It’s @Rockies time #MLB #MentalInstability
“You’re gonna need a bigger humidor.” Have @Rockies fire that bad-boy up #MLB #SeriouslyMakeThatHumidorBigger
“Forget it, Jeremy, it’s Baltimore.” Swindled into going to @Rockies #MLB #DontDrinkTheWater
“I have a competition in me. I want no one else to succeed.” Headed to @Rockies #MLB #IDrinkLincecumsMilkshake
“Nobody puts Guthrie in a corner.” Headed to the center of the country to be with @Rockies #MLB #GeographyHumor
“On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.” Traded to @Rockies #MLB #HauntingPerspective
“There’s no crying in baseball!” Just found out I was traded to @Rockies #MLB #FavMovieLol
“Hey, careful, man, there’s a beverage here!” Grabbed from behind and lead forcefully across the street to @Rockies car #MLB #TheDudeAbides
And with that, we have reached the end of this post about fake and imaginary Jeremy Guthrie tweets with famous movie quotes in them. Pitchers and catchers report in two weeks.
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Kyle writes baseball nonsense at The Trance of Waiting. You can follow him on Twitter @AgainstKyle.