The Pete Rose Reality Show: A Sneak Peak

Pete Rose is at it again! From the man who brought you Charlie Hustle, The Big Red Machine, 4,256 Hits, Tax Evasion, and Las Vegas Sadness, comes another can’t miss adventure! The Hit King will be starring along side his Playboy Model fiancée Kiana Kim in a reality show chronicling their probably super normal everyday lives. The show’s current working title is “Pete Rose and Kiana Kim Family Project” and is sure to deliver all sorts of enlightening truths and authentic insights into the human experience.

The Call to the Pen Entertainment Offices have been given an exclusive look at some of the upcoming episodes, and believe us, this show does not disappoint. So be sure to set those DVRs! The show will be airing on TLC, which used to stand for The Learning Channel but now just stands for TLC. We’re going to let that one speak for itself. In an unprecedented turn, the CTTPEO has been given permission to write up and print a handful of super sneak peak descriptions of the show, highlighting a handful of upcoming scenes. Try to contain your excitement! Read on for a torturous taste of what is sure to be the smash hit of whatever season they decide to air it in.

• Pete Rose asks Kiana Kim where the dog is at. Kiana Kim says she doesn’t know. Pete Rose sighs deeply and looks at the floor.
• Pete Rose tries to send an Email.
• Kiana Kim finds naked lady magazines in Pete Rose’s dresser drawer, chases him around the house with a frying pan.
• Pete Rose shoots up in bed in the middle of the night, his chest tight and his breath short. He sees nothing but darkness and feels completely alone.
• Pete Rose and his son, Pete Rose Jr., have a catch in the backyard. The two get in an argument about real estate and Pete Rose Jr. throws the baseball into the woods.
• Pete Rose starts telling everyone what it was like to face Bob Gibson. Kiana Kim pours herself a large glass of Chardonnay.
• Pete Rose slides headfirst into the herb garden, ruins everything, wants to know what the big deal is.
• Kiana Kim receives a phone call from her mother, the two speak in a language Pete Rose doesn’t understand. Kiana Kim laughs loudly and often. Pete Rose thinks she’s laughing at him.
• Pete Rose calls Joe Morgan an asshole.
• Pete Rose and Kiana Kim discuss the intricate and complex nature of their relationship, closely examining their cultural differences and age disparity before reaching a deeper understanding of one another, strengthening their undying love.
• Pete Rose stares at himself in the mirror for seven full minutes.

Kyle writes baseball nonsense at The Trance of Waiting. You can follow him on Twitter @AgainstKyle.