I don’t know who John Gibbons is. Will you tell me about him? That man up there, the man in the picture, I’m not even sure if that’s the guy. I mean, I know it’s a John Gibbons, I just don’t know if it’s the John Gibbons. You see, I went into the place where the blog images are, and I searched for the name “Gibbons.” First, there were only a bunch of pictures of some Michigan University football player, but then I added “John” before “Gibbons” and that produced some baseball related imagery. I settled on the one. There were only two, both from 2011. John Gibbons is now the manager of the Toronto Blue Jays. He used to have the same job some time ago. In between, he seems to have been a bench coach for the Kansas City Royals. That’s it, that’s about all I know. I need your help filling in the blanks.
I’ve always liked baseball, I played it when I was a kid, even. But I never followed the sport as a younger man the way that I do now. Even in adulthood, I was late to the kind of fanaticism that would afford me knowledge about John Gibbons and the things John Gibbons has been up to in his life. Something about punching someone one time? Or maybe he just threatened to punch someone—a player, I think. Jeff Cirilo—he’s involved in all of this somehow. Isn’t he? And now John Gibbons is back. He’s back and it’s funny? Why is it funny, can you tell me that much? The dude must have really been interesting back in the day. I think I might have really missed something.
Some people seem to think that the Blue Jays rehiring John Gibbons is a really crazy, radical, bold move. Another in a long recent line of same. Some people seem to think that it was a total no-brainer and that John Gibbons is a proven leader and he’s exactly what the Blue Jays need right now. Does he speak Spanish? I remember people thinking it was important for the new Blue Jays manager to speak Spanish. I don’t know if John Gibbons does. Their general manager speaks French, I know that much.
So what’s the word? What’s the deal with this John Gibbons guy? Will he lead the Blue Jays to an amazing American League East Championship and run at the World Series or is he some crazy old coot who’s going to beat up his players in the shower? Is he both? Is it possible to be both? Does he like poutine? I need you to tell me, because I honestly have no idea.