Sep 11, 2013; Miami, FL, USA; Miami Marlins manager Mike Redmond (11) fields questions from reporters in the dugout before a game against the Atlanta Braves at Marlins Park. Mandatory Credit: Steve Mitchell-USA TODAY Sports

Mike Redmond's Projected 2014 Marlins Batting Order Sounds Like Dog Bleep

Some sadistic jerk asked Marlins manager Mike Redmond to give his projected batting order for the 2014 season. Rather than tell this person to go screw themselves, Redmond manned up and tossed out his “if the season started today” lineup.

It is total trash.

This is what Redmond says the Marlins order will look like if they go into the season with their current roster.

1. 2B Rafael Furcal (2013 stats: NONE)

36 and coming off Tommy John surgery. Didn’t play in 2013.

2. LF Christian Yelich (2013 stats: .288 AVG, .370 OBP, 34 runs)

Not a bad OBP for a 2-hole hitter.

3. RF Giancarlo Stanton (2013 stats: .249 AVG, .480 SLG, 62 RBI)

62 ribs from your 3 hole? He could be solid in this spot if he reverts back to his 2012 numbers.

4. C Jarrod Saltalamacchia (2013 stats: .273 AVG, .466 SLG, 65 RBI)

Oh wow, Jarrod Saltalamacchia is your clean-up man. I predict zero intentional walks.

5. CF Marcell Ozuna (2013 stats: .265 AVG, .389 SLG, 32 RBI)

If Salty doesn’t drive in the runs, Ozuna won’t either.

6. 1B Garrett Jones (2013 stats: .233 AVG, .419 SLG, 51 RBI)

Big free-agent acquisition from Pittsburgh. Where’s my sarcasm font?

7. SS Adeiny Hechavarria (2013 stats: .227 AVG, .267 OBP, 42 RBI)

Should really be hitting fifth in this line-up.

8. 3B Ed Lucas (2013 stats: .256 AVG, .311 OBP, 43 runs)

Pencil in Ed Lucas at third. The Marlins fully expect to go out and sign themselves another option at the position.

9. Pitcher

Too bad they don’t still have Carlos Zambrano, he could bat clean-up.

The Marlins were the worst offensive team in baseball in 2013. I’m going to go out on a limb and predict they will be one of the worst offensive teams in 2014 as well. But at least their ballpark is cool.

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Tags: Miami Marlins Mike Redmond

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