It’s time for giving and the Call to the Pen staff is in the mood for giving. Or at least suggesting.
Here we are. Christmas Eve and I’m sure that a fair share of our readers are either hustling to complete their shopping or patting yourselves on the back because you’ve already completed your rounds through the malls and stores.
Well, the staff here has compiled a wish list for the jolly one. We swear we’ve been nice, so there’s no reason these suggestions to St. Nick can’t be granted. We don’t ask for much for these players and teams.
– I have a wish of my own: Clayton Kershaw, Max Scherzer and David Ortiz put their WWE-style belts on the line in a TLC match against The Shield.
– The Cincinnati Reds wish for another leadoff guy to produce a .423 OBP.
– The Seattle Mariners wish everyone would just stay away from their front office…and not believe every thing you read.
– The Colorado Rockies wish for the 2006 model of Justin Morneau.
– The Arizona Diamondbacks desire a 24/7 security force to protect the pool at Chase Field.
– O.co needs Mario and Luigi on staff.
– So I have a second wish of my own. I know this has been wished for many times and I know the circumstances surrounding this wish are different, but please put Pete Rose in the Hall of Fame.
– A time machine to go back and walk David Ortiz during every at bat of the world series.
– Also, a new shortst… Ugh wait, no a defensive center fiel… No, the St. Louis Cardinals got that too. Oh that’s it, a right-handed pinch hitter.
– For the wife of the man who bought David Ortiz’s beard: the courage to throw away another man’s beard hair.
– For Masahiro Tanaka: A highlight reel of Yu Darvish to watch while weeping about not being posted.
– The Baltimore Orioles would like a front office willing to spend money on clutch players.
– Chris Davis wants another bench press
– Buck Showalter would like 2012’s Jim Johnson.
– Please don’t forget about Adam Jones–bubble gum should be just fine!
– For Brian Sabean (aka Sabey-Sabes): to badly party like it’s 2010, or even 2012, once more.
– A’s want another stadium, but not to leave Oakland…also a new owner.
– Scott Cousins wants Buster Posey to return his calls.
– Braves want to know the infield fly rule, their field staff wishes the fans didn’t know how to throw garbage.
– (I’m worried a lot of fans want Big Papi’s hair balls.)
(Editor’s note: Had to re-read that last one…)
– Bartolo Colon wishes for the Carnegie Deli to name a sandwich after him.
– Scott Boras needs a bigger bank vault.
– The Houston Astros hope to find revenue share money under their tree.
– Ruben Amaro, Jr. hopes his stocking is stuffed with more ball players in their late thirties he can sign to multi-year deals.
– J.P. Arencibia is wishing for a larger bat and nicer sportscasters in Texas.
– Masahiro Tanaka is on the nice-list and asks that his over-worked arm holds up long enough to land that sweet, sweet Yankee-money.
– The Texas Rangers hope Santa brings them any of the Prince Fielders that aren’t the 2013 Prince Fielders.
– The Dodgers have been very good all year and would like it very much if Santa would let Yasiel Puig and Juan Uribe not turn back into pumpkins.
– Casey McGehee, Mark Mulder, and Tomo Ohka want one more chance to be this year’s Scott Kazmir.
– The Blue Jays just want a little of the other kind of luck.
– Bud Selig just wants Alex Rodriguez to retire first.
(Editor’s note: Can it be a race like this?)
(Another editor’s note: I think we all know which one represents A-Rod, right? Or would that one be Selig? Actually, does it matter?)
– Derek Jeter wishes for a time machine so his ankles and body can be back in form
– The Pirates wish that more success will follow in 2014
– The Royals wish for an Ervin Santana under the tree
The Mariners wish for more cash under the tree and David Price as a stocking stuffer
– The Tigers wish for a healthy Miguel Cabrera and so does Miguel Cabrera wish for this
– The Tigers also wish for a stable bullpen in 2014
– Mike Trout is still wishing for that MVP
– Phillies wish that Jonathan Papelbon would decide to give all the money he’s been paid so far back and just go away.
– The Braves wish B.J. Upton was Kate Upton because they could at least get to look at her.
– Mike Trout wishes Miguel Cabrera would decide to retire.
– Arizona Diamondbacks fans wish the team would the team would stop trading away young pitchers. We had Jarrod Parker, but now he’s with the Athletics. Hey what about Max Scherzer, nope he’s with the Tigers. We also had Tyler Skaggs, he’s back with the Angels for Round two.
– Kevin Towers wishes Tanaka gets posted or else he might be forced to give Matt Garza a three-year deal. Of course he can’t sign Santana or Jimenez, because Arizona can’t afford to lose a draft pick.
– The Los Angeles Angels are wishing Tyler Skaggs rediscovers some of his lost velocity.
– The Los Angeles Angels wish Albert Pujols and Josh Hamilton play up to their talent level for at least one season.
– Brandon Belt wishes San Francisco Giant fans would appreciate him more.
– Old school baseball fans wish Yasiel Puig and his antics disappear forever.
What you you like to see Santa deliver to your favorite team or player? Let us know in the comments section below!