New York magazine writer Steve Fishman recently put together a big in-depth cover story about Alex Rodriguez, and as part of his research for that story he was given access to what he describes as a “trove” of emails sent back and forth between Rodriguez and Yankees president Randy Levine over the course of a couple seasons.
Fishman was nice enough to reprint a selection of the emails inside New York magazine because, well, you just can’t keep this kind of thing to yourself. When comic gold falls in your lap you must share it with the world.
These email exchanges are hilarious for two reasons: One, because Levine is such a shameless butt-kisser. Two, because Rodriguez comes across as such an insecure phony who desperately needs his butt kissed. Yes, even in private emails, Rodriguez can’t stop being a total wanker and a fraud.
Oh wait, I forgot the third reason these emails are hilarious: The jokes about Robinson Cano being on steroids.
At least I think they’re jokes. Here are the emails in question, with context provided by Fishman himself:
July 30, 2012
Rodriguez is out with an injury, having fractured his hand five days earlier when hit by a pitch. Levine makes a reference to performance-enhancing drugs that he later refers to as a “bad joke.”
Levine: How r u feeing since u left Robby [Cano] under 200, he needs some steroids fast!
August 21, 2012
With A-Rod still out, Levine again makes a possibly comic drug reference.
Levine: Hey, what’s up with Robby. This guy must not be using the liquid. U didn’t tell me what did Chris and Steve say your ETA is. Don’t rush it unless u r right. We need you. Nova looks like he may need a breather. What do u see.
There is more. There is so much more. The emails cover the whole arc of the Rodriguez-Levine relationship, from the innocent early days of chummy camaraderie to the final dark days when A-Rod clearly wants to stab Levine in the neck with a sharp object.
Steroids. Not only do they destroy the integrity of the game, they also break up beautiful friendships based on bootlicking and deep deep narcissistic neediness. Plus they make your pee pee shrink.