Ryan “TOOTBLAN” Theriot Retires From Baseball

Oct 28, 2012; Detroit, MI, USA; San Francisco Giants designated hitter Ryan Theriot (5) rounds third base to score against the Detroit Tigers during the tenth inning of game four of the 2012 World Series at Comerica Park. Mandatory Credit: Scott Rovak-USA TODAY Sports

The man for whom the stat TOOTBLAN was invented has retired from baseball. Ryan Theriot has officially hung up his cleats, leaving the game after 8 seasons, 899 games and countless mind-numbing base running blunders.

The man called “The Riot” was a hero at LSU, helping the school win the College World Series in 2000. He made his big league debut with the Cubs in 2005 and quickly developed into a scrappy middle infielder with little power and limited range.

He helped the Cubs to a couple of playoff flops under manager Lou Piniella, then moved to the “right side” of the Cubs-Cardinals rivalry and became a World Series champion. He won another World Series as a member of the Giants in 2012.

Theriot failed to catch on anywhere in 2013, sort of surprising given he was only 33 and did hit .270 in 2012. I guess there’s not that much of a market for defensively limited, non-power-hitting middle infielders with okay speed.

By retiring without playing again, Theriot can sort of say he went out a champion. But forget his postseason legacy, his controversial quotes and the rest of it. Theriot’s lasting contribution to baseball will always be the dumb mental mistakes that led to the creation of the TOOTBLAN stat.

TOOTBLAN: Thrown Out On The Bases Like A Nincompoop.

Theriot is in Urban Dictionary because of TOOTBLAN. Sure, being an MVP or an All-Star is a way better accomplishment. But getting into Urban Dictionary, that’s nothing to sneeze at.

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