— Alexis (@AlexxisJoan) March 30, 2014
Mike Trout signed a new $144 million contract with the Angels, and what was his first major purchase?
A gigantic greasy mouth-watering Viking-warrior-sized hunk of meat.
On the bone. Because that’s how a man eats his meat.
Is there any doubt that Mike Trout is a man?
He hits man-sized home runs. He earns man-sized money. He eats man-sized slabs of flesh.
And swings huge battle hammers fashioned out of pure steel. And beds magnificent Scandinavian maidens.
He’s Thor now, basically.
And Garrett Richards thinks he can win a meat eating contest against him? Foolish mortal.