Jeter-Gate: The Fallout of the Fallout

"“It’s comical to me that this is really getting this much attention.”–Derek Jeter"

Hear that, ESPN, every blog, website, and column?  Derek Jeter is laughing at you.  He pretended to get hit by a pitch, stirred up a teensy bit of controversy, and now he is laughing at you.

All it took was one step over the line for the Yankees captain, and the snares came out–how he cheated, how he stole first base, how it almost won them the game, how it was [further] evidence that instant replay needs to be invoked.

But Derek wasn’t wrong.  He’s a winner, he’s going to do what it takes to win.  In this case, that included taking advantage of a mistake made by umpire Lance Barksdale (I’m just going to ask here, because its becoming more and more possible: Are umpires all idiots?  This is getting ridiculous).

As a guy nobody’s really gone after before, except for an autograph, or a picture, or some sex, we got to see just what kind of defense mechanisms are in place should Jeter, his play, or his character, ever be called into question.

Take, for example, the box that appeared on ESPN New York’s website.  Keep in mind it was surrounded by an article basically washing away all possible controversy from the at bat in question, featuring quotes from Joe Girardi and Brian Cashman, two highly unbiased Jeter-analysts.

DEREK’S IN TROUBLE!

Quick.  Quick!  We need images of Derek being awesome to quell the masses!  We need proof of his godliness!  WE NEED PICTURES OF HIM WITH HOT CHICKS!!!

KILL THE RUMOR!! KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT!!!

*gunfire, explosions*

As a quick sidebar:  This is seriously pathetic.  This little box of links is the most diseased, biased little media strategy I’ve ever seen on ESPN, and that’s saying a lot for a network that plants itself next to the greatest athletes (and sports drinks!  Don’t forget to buy that new three-part Gatorade!) in the world and starts suckling their toes with little or no encouragement.

But back to Derek.

Derek, I don’t think you were wrong at all.  In fact, I’d go so far as to say you were correct. Sure, you didn’t grant yourself the base (But have you ever tried to do that?  You’d probably at least get away with it once).  You just wanted to do whatever you could to win, which is an aspect of your personality that people have loved you for for ages.

Now, let’s think about this for just a second before plunging into mindless hysteria–I’m trying very hard, you know.  Like I said, the umpire got you on base.

But don’t sit there and plead innocence, like you have no idea what would make Lance Barksdale grant you that base.  You yelped in pain.  You had the trainer out there with you.  And you’re Derek fucking Jeter–a guy who’s made a career playing the purest, most organic form of Yankees baseball for over a decade.  No steroids, no scandals, no unclaimed offspring (that we know of).  Just Derek, just championship-caliber baseball.  All the time.

Its infuriating.

If I’m the guy behind the plate and A-Rod screams like a preteen girl at an inside pitch, I laugh at him and say “Get back in the box before I eject you out of sympathy for your clearly embarrassed testicles.”

If it’s Derek Jeter, the Captain, the anti-A-Rod, I’m assuming he’s got to be hurt.  He’s not one of these guys bringing the trainer out of the dugout just to dick around for a bit.  He’s trying to play. He’ll rarely admit to having an actual injury.

And then, thanks to it being 2010, everybody knew pretty instantly that he was faking it.  And Derek had to know they would know. He’s been in this game long enough to know there are cameras everywhere, and even if they aren’t using it in the actual game, for some reason, there are millions of people looking at it on instant replay.

My point being, Derek, you can fake getting hit by a pitch to win.  You can use your status as the crowned prince of baseball to steal first in a playoff race.  I think it made you look like an asshole, but I don’t think you were wrong.

But do not, do not, feign ignorance as to why the baseball media is making a big deal about it.

First of all, its 2010, and its the media.  Everything is a news alert or a terrorist attack or a federal hearing.  Somebody got tasered inside Citizens Bank Park this year, after years of people getting tasered just outside of it, and the world EXPLODED.  And that wasn’t even a real “debate”–all fans, reporters, and analysts were in agreement.  The guy ran on the field—tase the bitch.

And it still dominated sports news for three days.

That was just a story about some dumb fan who nobody’s heard of.  You’re Derek Jeter.  If you’re shopping for produce and put one of the oranges back on the shelf, the headlines tomorrow will be praising your keen eye for quality citrus.

Look above.  There are entire photo galleries of women you have been seen with. On ESPN, the worldwide leader in sports.  You are not even playing baseball in those pictures.

"“I think if it wasn’t Derek Jeter, and it wasn’t that series, people wouldn’t be talking about it.”–Joe Girardi"

"“…no shit.”–Anyone with a television/the internet/a route to work that takes them past a news stand/who isn’t deaf"

You got the base, Derek.  You got it.  Great job.  Don’t stand there and act like “Oh man, I’ve won a ton of World Series rings and am a shoe-in for the Hall of Fame and a hero to millions, while playing for the most legend-soaked organization in professional sports history.  WHY ARE SO MANY PEOPLE PAYING ATTENTION TO ME?!”

When you’re a legend, people expect certain things, like “perfection.”  Anything less than that, and they get frustrated.  But when you stray into a gray area, in which you have never really strolled, don’t pretend your pristine baseball existence gets to stay intact.

Its not a big deal, Derek.  But it’s the 21st century–it doesn’t have to be a big deal for everybody to care.

And you totally know that.