The Crumbling Marriage of Derek Jeter and the Yankees


"”We’ve encouraged him to test the market and see if there’s something he would prefer other than this.  If he can, fine. That’s the way it works.”–Brian Cashman"

I can’t believe them, Derek.

It’s okay.  It’s okay to cry.  Let it out.  Cashman, Steinbrenner… they’re just being jerks.


When your relationship is on the rocks like this, its hard to keep your emotions in check.  We all thought you’d be together forever, too; everybody did.

But you know what?  Other fish in the bucket, right?  Or whatever the hell it is.  Plenty of organizations are out there, not having Derek Jeter on their team, waiting to sink their teeth into you.  How many World Series rings do you have, anyway?  60?  I’m rounding up, but still.  Any team would be lucky to have you.

You know what would really get ‘um?  They need to see you out, in public, with somebody new.  God, that would drive them insane. Just picture the Yankees brass eating their daily 12-course breakfast, reading the paper, and then BAM.  There you are, head to toe in Red Sox juice.

Oh ho ho ho yeah–that would be hot.  I mean, what else is Facebook for, if not to accrue the jealousy of former lovers and/or business partners in a humilating, public fashion?  If they want to cut you lose and try something fresh, then you get out there and you try the fuck out of something even fresher.

You think that NY Post cover story didn’t make them feel jilted a little bit, even though they could have easily shrugged it off and thought, “Whatever, the NY Post is more of a homeless man’s blanket than a newspaper anyway”?  They know just like you do…

"“What he needs to happen, and it won’t, is for Boston to get in it to amp up the price.  But that’s not going to happen because he is a [Yankees] icon. And if they did that, Theo [Epstein, Red Sox GM] and Cashman would go to blows.”–“A Yankees exec“"

So… what?  They’re going to “encourage” you to step out and see who else is interested, but then threaten anybody who potentially would?  Someone needs to discuss “boundary issues” with the Yankees.  Did they not think you had the balls, Derek?  Did they think no one else would want you as their starting shortstop?

It should probably be raising a red flag or two across a variety of platforms when an MLB contract negotiation turns into what is pretty much an increasingly heated conversation in a high school hallway.  “If you’re not into it, Derek, there are plenty of other shortstops we can get it from.”  Are the Yankees trying to pressure you into something you’re not ready for, Derek?  Or are they not prepared to offer you the commitment you feel you deserve for the pressures you’ve already been through?

Either way, the methods and phrasing with which this hilarious little conflict are being handled are sort of… clingy.  Or stalkerish.  And maybe everyone should just take a break for a second and try to take their minds off things before things get even weirder.

"“Brian Cashman has figured out how to fill his spare time as he awaits a resolution in the Derek Jeter contract standoff: he is going to rappel down a 21-story building in Stamford, Conn. And he will be dressed as an elf.”—New York Times"

I gotta tell you, this was not the direction I saw this moving in.  I mean, hey, don’t get me wrong.  I’m usually the first guy to suggest “Oooo costumes!” as an answer to pretty much any problem.  And maybe this is the brass’ advertisement that they know how to move on with their lives, too, if necessary.  This is never a fun situation to be in, Derek.  Just try to ignore their pleas for attention.  They’ll come around eventually.

Like even yesterday, maybe!  Both sides took a break from staring at their respective phones while intense classical music played in the background to arrange a meeting.  That’s good, Derek!  Open lines of communication can only help here.  No relationship ever flourishes or recovers by everybody being tight lipped, or stubborn, or dressing up in thematic outfits and taking a walk down the side of a building.

"“The source would not say which Yankee officials were involved in the discussions on Tuesday, and it was unclear if Jeter was present.”—ESPN New York"

Well guys, what do you want me to say.

You can’t both set up a meeting, and then both plan on standing the other up, and then nobody show up and just have an empty table sitting behind the velvet rope.  Nobody learns from that.  Nobody gains anything.  And those servers work on tips.

What needs to work better here is the love. Everybody think back to when you first met each other.  Derek, a bright-eyed, sharp-nosed youngster, eager to become the next cardboard cut out filling America’s rec rooms; the Yankees brass, eating the hearts of children and demanding annual payments from their families.  It was a magical time.

If everyone can take a step back from the edge and just talk to each other, maybe even accidentally a compliment will slip out that stimulates positive–

"“We want to keep him. He’s very important.  I certainly hope he remains with us.”–Hank Steinbrenner"



Derek, wasn’t that nice the way that Hank just opened up to you regarding his true feel–

"“… and he certainly should.”"

You just couldn’t let a fresh nicety go by without fishtailing it into sort of a threat, could you, Hank?  I guess maybe that’s just how you talk normally, but still.

Well, like any heartbreaking romance, this could end with someone on their knees in the rain, shrieking up toward the heavens while inside, their heart slowly rips in two.  But, remember, this an adult, mature MLB contract negotiation.  So how it will probably end is with a text message.