Do you like money?
Well, tough. Because the Yankees love money. More specifically, they love your money. Give it to them.
Thanks.
Look, if you were dumb enough to buy tickets to a post season game for a baseball team you like, I think by now it should be pretty obvious that you deserve to be bent over the hood of your car and violated into oblivion.
Just kidding. But that’ll be $45 to leave your car there and not get violated on it, though.
Thanks.
I’m not going to sit here and tell you that in my day, baseball cost a nickel and parking spaces weren’t even invented yet. I’m also not going to sit here and tell you that the Yankees, as a team, organization, and philosophy, suck; because you probably already know that.
But as a poor person, I take offense to the notion that I have to pay money to leave my car somewhere. At least, I would if I had a car and not a bicycle held together with rubber cement and bits of string. But don’t worry, I can be offended enough for all of us.
Baseball stadiums seem to think they are just a joy to be parked in front of. This is hardly true. Sure, it may be at first, when you’re tailgatin’ and bean bag tossin’ and hula hoopin’ and fans-of-the-other-team-chasin’-down-and-kickin’. You’re probably like, “How can this kind of sheer bliss only cost $45?! Let’s run back to the security booth and fill it with precious, precious dollars!”
But then you have to leave the stadium, and suddenly every car in the world is trying to fit in the same spot. The people walking to catch public transit laugh in your face as they pass, but you know how many strangers’ farts they’re going to have to deal with, so you manage to keep your cool until you realize you’ve fallen asleep at the wheel and just came uncomfortably close to death for the seventh time in an hour.
There may be conveniences and inconveniences, you don’t have to weigh them against each other to know that forking over $45 to get out of your spot isn’t utter nonsense. And that’s after you’ve paid whatever ungodly sum the Yankees expect to you to pay to watch them play October baseball for the 40,000th time.
Seriously, if the Yankees are so proud of their 117 World Series rings, then maybe some inflation should be incurred. A Yankees post season appearance is no longer a precious resource. It’s as common as a fart on the subway. So why are they even several dozen house payments to begin with?
I’ve gotten so far off track I’m driving my train of thought through a quiet suburban neighborhood, so let’s go back to the issue–whatever the ticket prices are for a Yankees playoff game, plus the $45 for parking, anyone who paid these sums will not be getting them back because it happened to rain harder than anybody thought it would on Friday night.
And if the Yankees had any problems with coming across as shameless, snickering weasels with dollar sign pupils humping each other to sleep, they’d stop doing this type of thing. But they’re cool with it.
So keep coming back, Yankees fans. This is your favorite team. Enjoy!