Manager’s Son Tate Matheny To Start, Some Cardinals Players Miffed


Please note that the following piece is satirical in nature and not a real piece of journalism in any way whatsoever.

Many unnamed St. Louis Cardinals players were upset after learning that manager Mike Matheny’s son, Tate, would be inserted as the starting center fielder for the major league team.

“That just doesn’t seem right,” said one veteran player under a request of anonymity, “a lot of guys work really hard for a really long time to crack into the Bigs. For this kid to show up like this, it definitely rubs a lot of the guys the wrong way.”

Tate Matheny was selected by the Cardinals in the 23rd round of MLB’s First-Year Player Draft with the 720th overall pick. The 18-year-old high school senior out of Westminster Christian Academy has dominated at the plate this season, hitting .610/.705/1.260 in 100 at-bats, while paying the premium up the middle outfield position. Many had speculated that Tate would enter college and attend Missouri State, where he had previously committed, however, the opportunity to play at the Big League level was too great an opportunity to pass up, it seems.

“I really didn’t think the Cardinals were going to give me the kind of money I wanted in order to keep me from going to college,” said Matheny the younger, “but after talking it over with my dad, and after seeing how serious they were about getting me up to the Majors, it just kind of seemed like a no brainer. I mean, it’s always been my dream to play Major League Baseball. Now I can.”

Matheny will add some much needed depth to the Cardinals outfield, where injuries to key contributors such as Lance Berkman, Allen Craig, Carlos Beltran, and Jon Jay have left
the team scrambling to fill vacant spots on any given night.

Despite the discord currently felt in the clubhouse. Manager Mike Matheny defended the organization’s decision to instantly make his son the team’s starting center fielder. The coach addressed the media saying, “We think he gives our club the best chance to win, right now. I know he’s only eighteen, but he can hit. He’s worked really hard his whole life to be a good hitter. I should know, trust me, I was there. Oh boy, was I… There were a lot of long nights out in the yard throwing him BP. A lot of nights. And he’s such a good kid. He’s just a really great kid. Time goes by so fast, man.” Matheny ensured that the negativity surrounding the move would be addressed in house, with a closed door team meeting scheduled before tonight’s game.

When reached for comment, Cardinals General Manager John Mozeliak was quoted as saying, “What?”

Tate Matheny is currently en route to meet up with the team in Houston, where the Cardinals are looking to win a second game in a row against the Astros and take the series 2-to-1.