Ozzie Smith Selling Some Things

August 11, 2012; Baltimore, MD, USA; Hall of Fame player Ozzie Smith speaks during the Eddie Murray Orioles Legends statue ceremony prior to a game against the Kansas City Royals at Oriole Park at Camden Yards. Mandatory Credit: Joy R. Absalon-US PRESSWIRE

Ozzie Smith, former St. Louis Cardinal and Defensive Wizard Extraordinaire, is selling some of his belongings. Jerry Crasnick reports the reason for said sale “as part of [Smith’s] estate and family planning.” The cynical amongst us (guilty) would most likely infer that this spells financial trouble for charismatic gloveman. The optimist may instead chose to see this as a simple purge of, ultimately, meaningless material possessions, a chance for a man to provide a sizable nest egg for his children and grandchildren and other children that come after that.

Were I a wealthy man, I would definitely be interested in some of this stuff. Charity? Philanthropy? Psh-aw. In this imagined alternate universe in which I possess many, many millions of dollars, no, I would spend it all on sports memorabilia. Maybe take one of those privately funded trips into space or something. Whatever. Ozzie Smith was one of the first baseball players I can remember being aware of. He was on a number of highlight videos I owned (VHS, baby) and he of course stuck out to me by way of his incredible defensive ability. Behind the back ball tosses, massive diving stops. He also may have done one of those cartwheel-somersault-back flip moves, I don’t remember. But it’s always really impressive when athletes bust that stuff out.

Maybe the Wizard had a preternatural sense of my childhood connection to him, or maybe it was just dumb luck, but in an exciting exclusive, our Call to the Pen offices have been able to procure the full and unabridged list of items Ozzie Smith will be selling. That’s the destination this blog post has been heading towards since the opening, believe it or not. And here we are. The list:

•  13 Gold Glove awards
• 2006 St. Louis Cardinals World Series ring
• 2011 St. Louis Cardinals World Series ring
• 11 All-Star Game rings
• St. Louis Cardinals refrigerator magnet
• Vintage throwback vinyl Cardinals button-up jacket, 24″ pit-to-pit, 26″ top-to-bottom
• Assorted Cardinals snap-backs, like-new condition
• Cal Poly University Doctor of Humane Letters diploma (framed)
• Lunch with Ozzie Smith
• Dinner with Ozzie Smith
• Brunch with Ozzie Smith
• Couple of baseball gloves
• Plain black batting helmet, slightly used
• Cheeseburger
• Stack of baseball magazines (assorted)
• Ozzie Smith beard clippings
• Item signed by Ozzie Smith (anything you want, price negotiable)

Kyle writes baseball nonsense at The Trance of Waiting. You can follow him on Twitter @AgainstKyle.