Mariners Trade For Morse, Are A Baseball Team


Sep 8, 2012; Washington, DC, USA; Washington Nationals outfielder ichael Morse (38) is unable to make the catch on a single hit by Miami Marlins catcher

John Buck

(not pictured) during the fifth inning at Nationals Park. Mandatory Credit: Brad Mills-USA TODAY Sports

The Seattle Mariners were part of a baseball trade yesterday, one in which they shipped away Catcher/DH/Outdoor Enthusiast John Jaso and received 1B/DH/Lumbering Giant Michael Morse in return. There were other details involved but they’re of no concern to us at this moment. What is important, is that the Seattle Mariners are a baseball team, and on their team, they now have baseball players. Many of these baseball players profile in similar ways and play similar defensive positions in a similar not-good manner. Those players are as follows: The recently discussed Michael Morse, Kendrys Morales, Raul Ibanez, Jason Bay, Justin Smoak, Mike Carp, Casper Wells, and Eric Thames. Talk about logjammin’.

We’ll leave the serious analysis of this trade to the professionals. A quick sourcing on the Internet reads Bad Trade Mariners, but what’s done is done. The Seattle Mariners have like, 19 different players who are all 1B/DH/LF type players. No matter their resemblance, they are all beautiful and unique snowflakes. Here is some more than likely nonsense information about all of them.

Michael Morse

Pros: Hits home-dingity-dongers, has enthusiasm.

Cons: His only discernible skill is the ability to occasionally hit a baseball far. He is bad at running and defense and everything else as well.

Kendrys Morales

Pros: Dingerz with a Z.

Cons: See: Above

Raul Ibanez

Pros: By all accounts, is like, the nicest person on the planet. LEADER.

Cons: Same as those other two fools.

Jason Bay

Pros: Played baseball at local colleges. Polite Canadian.

Cons: Do I even need to say it?

Justin Smoak

Pros: Tater mashing.


Mike Carp

Pros: What do you think?

Cons: This was a terrible idea for a post.

Casper Wells

Pros: Plays above-average outfield defense, offers a little pop at the plate, is still young enough to develop and possibly flourish. A refreshing change from the repetition above.

Cons: The Seattle Mariners seem hell-bent on completely blocking him with old and slow and not good players.

Eric Thames

Pros: Dingers. Strong throwing arm.

Cons: Who even cares any more

Kyle writes baseball nonsense at The Trance of Waiting. You can follow him on Twitter @AgainstKyle.