B.J. Upton and Justin Upton Have Big Plans For Atlanta


Nov 29, 2012; Atlanta, GA, USA; Atlanta Braves president John Schuerholz and manager

Fredi Gonzalez

announce the signing of outfielder

B.J. Upton

during a press conference at Turner Field. Mandatory Credit: Daniel Shirey-USA TODAY Sports

The Arizona Diamondbacks and Atlanta Braves have made a baseball trade. And the Upton brothers are getting together! Justin Upton will be joining brother B.J. in Atlanta along with third-baseman Chris Johnson, in exchange for the versatile Martin Prado, pitcher Randall Delgado, shortstop prospect Nick Ahmed, third-base prospect Brandon Drury, and pitching prospect Zeke Spruill. There are a lot of moving parts to be discussed here, and we’ll leave that kind of crack analysis to those who actually know what they’re talking about. I’m here to analyze the Upton Brothers angle, and what exactly they might be up to now that they’re together on the same team. Yesterday, Bossman Junior took to Twitter to express his hope that him and Justin might one day share a Major League outfield. Now that the dream has become a reality, the two brothers no doubt have a lot of big plans on how to best spend their time together.

And what might those plans be? That is an excellent question that an author of a blog post might strategically plant into the imaginary minds of his imaginary readers in order to best lead his content into an awkward and predetermined space. The Uptons are brothers, separated by a mere three years. They are no doubt close, and enjoy each others company. They even have shared interests and professional ambitions! What might those two scoundrels be up to now that they’ve been brought back together? Here are some ideas.

  • Finally get the Gold Cup on every track in Mario Cart, both SNES and N64.
  • Combine their individual wardrobes into one, massive, unstoppable and stylish super shared wardrobe.
  • Go halfsies on that Groupon for golf lessons and split the instruction time evenly.
  • Complete a 3-D puzzle of the London Bridge.
  • Act out Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles battle scenes with B.J. as Leonardo and Justin as Raphael.
  • Put together the K’NEX roller coaster.
  • Share notes on the repertoires and tendencies of opposing pitchers as to gain a strategic advantage against other baseball teams.
  • Consult each other for advice in regards to haircuts and facial grooming.
  • Order pizza for dinner like, every night.
  • Get bunk beds.

Kyle writes baseball nonsense at The Trance of Waiting. You can follow him on Twitter @AgainstKyle.