Movember Special: A starting lineup of baseball’s best beards

Catcher—Brian McCann and Evan Gattis, Houston Astros

The beards of Brian McCann and Evan Gattis are greater together than apart. They do not like to be separated. They were together for the first time in the big leagues on the 2013 Atlanta Braves and helped lead the team to a 96-66 record and a playoff spot. That was the first year Evan Gattis’ beard played in the big leagues, so it was not yet at full strength.

Sadly, the beards were separated that December when Brian McCann’s beard signed as a free agent with the Yankees and had to say goodbye to Evan Gattis’ beard. Without the bearded duo, the Braves saw their fortunes fall to 79-83 the following season and they haven’t had a winning season since.

McCann and his beard played three seasons with the Yankees and made the playoffs one time. Gattis and his beard were traded to the Houston Astros before the 2015 season and made the playoffs once in the past two years. Separate, the beards had some success, but they would need to come together again to achieve their ultimate goal of baseball domination.

It happened this year when McCann was traded to the Astros last offseason. The beards were together again. They combined to hit 30 homers, drove in 117 runs, and helped their favorite bearded pitcher, Dallas Keuchel, win 14 games on their way to the playoffs. Then they beat the Red Sox in the ALDS, the Yankees in the ALCS and the Dodgers in the World Series. Never had two beards been so happy.

Look at the scientific data. When Brian McCann’s beard and Evan Gattis’ beard are teammates, their team averages 98.5 wins per year and one World Series title every two years. When their beards are separated, their teams average just 84 wins per year and miss the playoffs 67 percent of the time. Keep these beards together, Houston!

Fun fact for you: if Brian McCann’s beard got lost hiking in the wilderness for six months, it would come back looking like Evan Gattis’ beard.