Atlanta Braves: What’s next for John Coppolella?

Former Atlanta Braves general manager John Coppolella is banned from baseball for life. What are the options for his next career move?

John Coppolella was a prodigy. Most people who become MLB general managers spend decades in baseball before getting the keys to a franchise. Coppolella was only 36 when the Atlanta Braves named him their General Manager in 2015. By rights, he should’ve been a baseball lifer.

Instead, he finds himself banned for life by MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred. He oversaw a scouting department that committed several major infractions whilst dealing with international amateurs. As a result, the commish handed down the “death penalty” for the franchise and permanently ended Coppolella’s baseball career.

The Braves will eventually move on. They lose several top prospects right away and have severe signing limitations over the next few years. Nevertheless, through the passing of time the farm system will heal and the franchise will become whole again.

But what about Coppolella? He can hardly retire at age 38. Surely, he must find another career path. Here are his known job skills and resume highlights:

• Business degree from Notre Dame
• Managed a budget over $100 million
• Significant experience making deals in Asia and Central America
• Thorough communicator (example below)

Clearly, Coppolella is an intelligent, articulate individual with great drive to make it to the top of a MLB front office. So what career would entice a man of his talent?

Author

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The easiest, most obvious move for Coppolella is to write a tell-all book. His baseball career is over. He’s the sacrificial lamb for what may become a witch-hunt across baseball as Manfred seeks to crack down on international amateur rule-breakers. He never has to see or communicate with any of his former associates ever again; in fact many of them undoubtedly prefer it that way.

Why not incinerate all remaining bridges? Go the Jose Canseco route and air out all the dirty secrets of the industry.  There will be fortune and fame, followed by endless book tours to fill the calendar. Sure, there’s unconditional lifelong vile, but maybe the world will see how sordid the international amateur baseball world has become.

Business Executive

Coppolella’s degree is actually in business management. With his experience he’s an excellent candidate to jump into the private sector. Sure, the inevitable interview questions about the banned-for-life thing would arise. If he can somehow get past that stage he’s well-qualified to facilitate a large corporation with international ties.

On second thought, perhaps he should be careful about the companies for which he applies. Maybe avoid anything related to baseball, Latin America, or East Asia. He must also choose an industry with a poor history of self-regulation, such as finance, oil, or pharmaceuticals.

Lawyer

Only lawyers could write a 50 page document and call it a “brief.” What better occupation for someone who composes 2,000 word text messages?

Troll

The unknown factor is Coppolella’s emotional state. How is he feeling? Is he angry? Hurt? Demoralized? Is he processing his grief?

Maybe he wakes up in a week and everything turns to pure, unadulterated rage. After days of melancholy confusion his focus becomes clear: tear MLB down brick by brick. He starts by persuading Shohei Ohtani to stay in Japan. Then he crashes the Winter Meetings and throws stinkbombs around like Hobgoblin. Come Spring Training, he severs the sewer lines to every ballpark in Arizona. By this time next year he could officially be the Professor Chaos of baseball.

Maybe Coppolella does none of these things and just fades away into obscurity; a somber footnote forgotten by all but die-hard Braves fans. Or maybe that’s what he wants you to think…as he lurks in the shadows, plotting his revenge…

Next: Atlanta Braves: The Future is still Now

Editor’s note: This piece is intended primarily as satire. Any relation to actual career advice for Mr. Coppolella is intended to be humorous in nature.