MLB: What if the holidays were an actual baseball team?
If all the holidays got together on a sunny afternoon and played an MLB baseball game, what position would each play and where would they bat in the lineup?
With no MLB baseball games to watch and Jerry Dipoto not making a trade for the last two days, I have to find another way to get my baseball fix. Sure, football’s on TV, but it’s just not the same. Baseball is life. Life is baseball. I can’t get enough of it and the MLB.
With that in mind and Thanksgiving Day upon us, it occurred to me that if Thanksgiving Day were an MLB baseball player, it would be a catcher. And then it just took off from there. Here is an MLB baseball lineup made up of holidays.
CF New Year’s Day—The leadoff man is New Year’s Day, playing center field. It symbolizes a fresh start, a new beginning, that time of year when you make your New Year’s resolutions to start going to the gym every day, eating right, and drinking your eight glasses of water every day. That crush you’ve been dying to talk to? It’s still an excellent possibility on New Year’s Day.
2B Mothers Day—Taking the second spot in the lineup and playing second base is Mothers Day. In the field, Mothers Day isn’t as flashy as Cinco de Mayo over there at shortstop, but just as strong when it’s time to hang in there on a tough double play.
At the plate, Mothers Day can lay down a bunt or hit the ball through the hole on the right side for a perfect hit and run. You need a ground ball to move the runner up? Mothers Day will get it done. Do you need to squeeze a run in late in the game? Give the sign to Mothers Day. Despite being the most crucial member of the team, Mothers Day doesn’t get the recognition it deserves.
1B Fathers Day—Fathers Day, playing first base, will line shots to the gap and drive in the runs that Mothers Day moves to second or third. They work together as a team. New Year’s Day leads off with a bunt single. Mothers Day hits a line drive to right to move the runner to third. Fathers Day hits one to the left-center gap to drive in a run or two. In the field, Fathers Day can charge the plate to field a bunt knowing that Mothers Day will be covering first.
RF Fourth of July—The Fourth of July is the hard-hitting right fielder who can be just a little too reckless at times. Fourth of July can hit bombs in one at-bat, then fizzle out on a pop up to second the next time up. In the field, Fourth of July has a howitzer for an arm, but it’s scattershot. The throw will often be a beautiful thing, but you’re never quite sure where it will end up.
A Sacrifice for the team
3B Veterans Day—Veterans Day is all of the good things everyone likes about the Fourth of July, but less flashy and less reckless. Veterans Day will drive in the run that the Fourth of July leaves stranded on third after taking a called third strike.
In the field, Veterans Day will take a hard ground ball off the chest at third base, then pick it up and fire it to first for the out. If you need a base runner late in the game, Veterans Day will step up to the plate and take one for the team and won’t rub the spot on the way to first base.
DH Christmas—Christmas used to bat third, but it’s expanded a little too much in the middle and wastes a few too many at-bats, so it had to move down the lineup. Christmas was once the star of the lineup, but at this point in its career, it’s overpaid for the joy it brings. It’s the Albert Pujols of holidays.
LF Boxer Day—Out in left field and appropriately batting behind Christmas is Boxer Day. The other lineup spots don’t know quite what to think of Boxer Day. Where did it come from? What is its motivation? Why does it apologize so much? Boxer Day is most likely to be a little unorthodox, like Hunter Pence if Hunter Pence played left field.
Behind “The plate”
C Thanksgiving—Thanksgiving is in the eight spot, sometimes known as the “second cleanup man.” Thanksgiving knows how to clear the bases. If the rest of the lineup can set it up, Thanksgiving will bring it home.
As the catcher and heart-and-soul of the team, Thanksgiving brings everyone together. When the team gets together on an off day, they all head over to Thanksgiving’s house.
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SS Cinco de Mayo—The “second leadoff man,” Cinco de Mayo is flashy in the field and speedy on the bases. Cinco de Mayo is a jumble of energy, the life of the party, the tequila sunrise everyone enjoys on the day off after a big victory.
RHP Labor Day—The right-handed starter on this squad is the all-business, laser-focused Labor Day. There’s no messing around when Labor Day is on the mound. Labor Day likes to rock and fire with a traditional fastball-curveball-changeup repertoire.
This is the staff workhorse, the one who will give you eight strong innings when the bullpen needs a rest.
LHP St. Patrick’s Day—The epitome of the crafty lefty, St. Patrick’s Day downed a few too many pints of Guinness over the years and is no longer in the best shape. It’s a little soft in the middle, but not ashamed one bit. St. Patrick’s Day doesn’t bring the heat, instead relying on a curveball/changeup combination known as corned beef and cabbage.
Closer Martin Luther King, Jr. Day—When the skipper needs a closer late in the game, the call is made for the lefty, MLK, Jr. Day. The ability to attack with a passionate fury of fastballs or a thoughtful assortment of off-speed pitches makes MLK, Jr. Day an effective finisher.
Next: What each team has to be thankful for this Thanksgiving
Which MLB holiday is your favorite? Share in the comments below and on our social media pages. Happy holidays!