MLB: What if the holidays were an actual baseball team?

CINCINNATI, OH - MAY 08: General view as a Mother's Day message is shown on an outfield scoreboard during a rain delay prior to a game between the Milwaukee Brewers and Cincinnati Reds at Great American Ball Park on May 8, 2016 in Cincinnati, Ohio. (Photo by Joe Robbins/Getty Images) /

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CHICAGO, IL – SEPTEMBER 03: World War II veteran Art Rento (front) is honored before the game between the Chicago Cubs and the Atlanta Braves on September 3, 2017 at Wrigley Field in Chicago, Illinois. (Photo by David Banks/Getty Images) /

A Sacrifice for the team

3B Veterans Day—Veterans Day is all of the good things everyone likes about the Fourth of July, but less flashy and less reckless. Veterans Day will drive in the run that the Fourth of July leaves stranded on third after taking a called third strike.

In the field, Veterans Day will take a hard ground ball off the chest at third base, then pick it up and fire it to first for the out. If you need a base runner late in the game, Veterans Day will step up to the plate and take one for the team and won’t rub the spot on the way to first base.

DH Christmas—Christmas used to bat third, but it’s expanded a little too much in the middle and wastes a few too many at-bats, so it had to move down the lineup. Christmas was once the star of the lineup, but at this point in its career, it’s overpaid for the joy it brings. It’s the Albert Pujols of holidays.

LF Boxer Day—Out in left field and appropriately batting behind Christmas is Boxer Day. The other lineup spots don’t know quite what to think of Boxer Day. Where did it come from? What is its motivation? Why does it apologize so much? Boxer Day is most likely to be a little unorthodox, like Hunter Pence if Hunter Pence played left field.

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