What each MLB team has to be thankful for this Thanksgiving

On Thanksgiving Day, it’s a good time to consider what the fanbases of each MLB team have to be thankful for.

It’s that wonderful time of year when MLB fans can dream about their teams signing Shohei Ohtani while enjoying a bountiful Thanksgiving feast.

This handy matrix assesses each team’s chance of signing Ohtani, from the Yankees and Dodgers on the “likely” end to the Rays and A’s on the “not bloody likely” end. One of those teams will be very thankful in about a month or so.

When it comes to Thanksgiving Day, the food is the thing. According to FiveThirtyEight.com, the ultimate Thanksgiving meal would consist of roast turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, green beans, butter rolls, and pumpkin pie.

They used a head-to-head matchup system to determine the winners in each category. The worst Thanksgiving meal would be tofurky, frog eye salad, Jell-O salad, Yorkshire pudding, and Snickers salad.

FiveThirtyEight.com also rejects the commonly held belief that people gain five to ten pounds over the holidays. According to the research, it’s more like one pound. People may feel like they’ve gained 10 pounds after stuffing their faces, but the research says they don’t. To that, I say, “Challenge accepted.”

Sadly, baseball fans won’t have any baseball to watch on Thanksgiving. The day belongs to football. By tradition, the Dallas Cowboys and the Detroit Tigers will each host a game on Turkey Day, with the Cowboys playing the Vikings in the morning and the Lions playing the Chargers in the afternoon.

If you’re lucky, the big meal will put you to sleep by the time the Redskins-Giants game comes on late in the day. That is not must-see TV.

The most important part of the day is the giving of thanks, which is quite unlike the airing of grievances that is a big part of Festivus. In the spirit of the season, here is one thing the fanbases of each MLB team have to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.

MLB: AL East

Baltimore Orioles—Crab

It’s a Baltimore thing, hon. At Camden Yards, you can get a variety of food with Maryland crab. There are fried chicken tenders topped with crab dip on a potato roll for those who like poultry.

Mac and cheese fans can enjoy the mac and cheese twister topped with crab in a twisted bread cone. They also have a crabmeat pork rind chipper topped with cheese sauce, crabmeat, Old Bay and scallions.

Unfortunately, if you want to wash your crab down with some Natty Boh (National Bohemian beer), you’re out of luck. They stopped selling it at the stadium in 2016. Craft beer aficionados aren’t sad to see it go, though. They prefer beers with flavor.

Boston Red Sox—The Killer B’s

Not to be confused with the Houston Astros Killer B’s in the mid-1990s, the Boston Red Sox Killer B’s refer to outfielders Andre Benintendi, Jackie Bradley, Jr., and Mookie Betts.

The Astros Killer B’s included Craig Biggio, Jeff Bagwell, Derek Bell, Sean Berry, Lance Berkman, Chris Burke, and Carlos Beltran, even though they didn’t all play together at any one time. It was kind of a running theme for the Astros that started in 1996.

The best trifecta of B’s for the Astros was the Biggio-Bagwell-Berkman threesome. Benintendi, Bradley, and Betts have a long way to go to equal those guys, but they’re off to a nice start.

Hopefully, none of the Boston Killer B’s ever goes into “Operation Shutdown” as Derek Bell did with the Pirates in 2002.

New York Yankees—The Baby Bombers

For now, the Baby Bombers are 25-year-old Aaron Judge and 24-year-old Gary Sanchez. Greg Bird needs to have a healthy and productive season to make it a trio. Judge and Sanchez combined for 85 home runs this season.

In the long history of the MLB, that’s the most home runs ever hit by two teammates aged 25 or younger. That’s something to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. Here are the top six dynamic duos:

• 85 HR—2017 Yankees—Aaron Judge (52) and Gary Sanchez (33)
• 80 HR—1987 Athletics—Mark McGwire (49) and Jose Conseco (31)
• 79 HR—1993 Rangers—Juan Gonzalez (46) and Dean Palmer (33)
• 78 HR—1969 Athletics—Reggie Jackson (47) and Sal Bando (31)
• 78 HR—1963 Giants—Willie McCovey (44) and Orlando Cepeda (34)
• 78 HR—2009 Brewers—Prince Fielder (46) and Ryan Braun (32)

Tampa Bay Rays—Canus Manta Whatthefluffalus

According to Tampa Bay legend, Canus Manta Whatthefluffalus is some sort of hybrid combination of a manatee, walrus, and sea lion. Baseball fans know him as Raymond, the Rays’ mascot. He was born in the Gulf of Mexico and made his major league debut on June 21, 1998.

Raymond the Seadog declined to give his height and weight, but it’s well known that he eats pretty much everything, so he’s not exactly svelte.

His favorite movies are “The Rookie” and “Monsters, Inc.” During Tampa Bay home games he can found at Tropicana Field entertaining literally hundreds of people.

Toronto Blue Jays—Jerk Chicken Poutine

With Jose Bautista now an MLB free agent, and Josh Donaldson, an MLB free agent at the end of this MLB season, the Blue Jays may not be recognizable shortly. If they get off to a poor start, Donaldson could be dealt away, and the team would be without two of their biggest bats from the last few years.

No matter what happens, though, Blue Jays fans still have Jerk Chicken Poutine (section 109) to be thankful for. Like ebony and ivory, it’s a satisfying combination of Caribbean jerk chicken and Canadian poutine coming together in perfect harmony.

MLB: AL Central

Cleveland Indians—The Klubot

If you don’t yet know why Corey Kluber is called “The Klubot,” just watch the video below from when Kluber won the Cy Young Award. He shows all of the emotion of a beanbag chair.

If Kluber were a breakfast cereal, he’d be bran flakes. If he were a holiday, he’d be Arbor Day. If he were a movie, he’d be the “English Patient.”

When Kluber pitches, his robot brain runs a pitch sequence algorithm to optimize his repertoire. One of his favorite off-day activities is balancing his checkbook.

“The Last Jedi” was supposed to have a Kluber-inspired android character, but the audience at early screenings fell asleep when it came on the screen (this is not true).

When Kluber was first called up to the big leagues from Triple-A Columbus, he worried that the Cleveland nightlife would be too wild. He’s won exactly 18 games in a season three times because winning 20 would be too flashy.

Chicago White Sox—All the Good Minor Leaguers

The White Sox know how to do a rebuild. Since last December, they’ve traded away Adam Eaton, Chris Sale, Jose Quintana, Todd Frazier, Tommy Kahnle, and David Robertson and created the best minor league system in baseball.

Yoan Moncada has already reached the big leagues and held his own as a 22-year-old last season.

In the minors, they have a wave of top prospects on their way to Chicago: Eloy Jimenez (No. 4 prospect according to MLB Pipeline), Michael Kopech (No. 9), Luis Robert (No. 22), Blake Rutherford (No. 39), Dylan Cease (No. 57) and Alex Hansen (No. 90).

The White Sox haven’t had a winning season since 2012 and haven’t been in the MLB playoffs since 2008, but their time is coming.

Detroit Tigers—The Lions are Good

If MLB fans in Detroit believe in karma, they can hope that the terrible MLB season by the Tigers will be rewarded by a playoff season from the Lions.

The Tigers lost 98 games, which was the most games they’ve lost in a season since the truly awful 43-119 team in 2003. The Lions, meanwhile, are on the cusp of a playoff spot in the NFL. They have a big game against the division-leading Vikings on Thanksgiving Day.

The Lions have made the playoffs nine times over the last 33 years, but they haven’t won a playoff game since they beat the Cowboys on January 5, 1992 (with props to Erik Kramer and his 341 yards passing with three touchdown tosses).

They have a chance to make the playoffs this year and Clayton Kershaw’s childhood buddy, Matthew Stafford, is having his best season. Tigers fans who like (or tolerate) football, can be thankful for the Lions this year.

Kansas City Royals—Barbecue

A few years ago, Royals fans would be thankful for the core group of players who helped them win the World Series in 2015. That’s no longer the case with the likely departure of free agents Eric Hosmer, Lorenzo Cain, Mike Moustakas, and Alcides Escobar. They still have barbecue, though.

Kansas City is the barbecue capital of the country. There are more than 100 barbecue restaurants in the Kansas City metropolitan area, and the city hosts the American Royal World Series of Barbecue, which is the largest barbecue competition in the world.

You can get barbecue on most anything at Kauffman Stadium, including a hot dog with pulled pork, a brisket burger with burnt-end chili, and a funnel cake topped with barbecue pulled pork.

The great Joe Posnanski is a rib connoisseur. He wrote about eating at 12 of the top 15 best rib places in America (ranked by The Daily Meal). Posnanski’s longtime friend, the late Buck O’Neil, was a Gates Bar B-Q man, in large part due to Gates’ perfect sauce.

The Daily Meal proclaimed Oklahoma Joe’s to be the number one rib place in the country.

Posnasnki’s official favorite is Arthur Bryant’s, which the Daily Meal had ranked number two, but Posnanski mentioned that a cab driver in Denver proclaimed the best ribs in the world are at Guy and Mae’s Tavern. Joe tried them, and he couldn’t say they weren’t the best he’s ever had.

Minnesota Twins—Buxton and Berrios

Twins fans can be thankful for the improvement of their young B-Boys, Byron Buxton and Jose Berrios. Buxton came up to the big leagues in June of 2015 and struggled to hit for two years. In his first 196 games, he hit .211/.272/.358, a 66 wRC+.

That made him 34 percent below average as a hitter. He was still a great fielder but needed to step it up with the bat. He came alive in July this summer and hit .309/.358/.538 in his last 66 games.

Jose Berrios also made great strides in his second season. He was 3-7 with an ERA over 8.00 in 14 starts as a rookie. This year, he was 14-8 with a 3.89 ERA. The future of the Twins will depend on youngsters Buxton and Berrios (and Miguel Sano).

MLB: NL East

Atlanta Braves—Baseball’s best minor league system A still pretty good minor league system

The Braves were hammered by MLB for international signee shenanigans and had been forced to release 13 international prospects and forfeit the signing bonuses handed out to those players (around $20 million).

They’ll also be restricted in the international market for the next few years. Before this punishment, the Braves had the best minor league system in baseball.

Well, Atlanta Braves fans, don’t fret. The team still has a terrific group of minor leaguers, including Ronald Acuna, Kolby Allard, Kyle Wright, and many others. They did lose Kevin Maitan, but there is plenty of talent here.

They may have moved from having the best minor league system to just in the top three. You can still be thankful for the good, young prospects who are on their way.

Miami Marlins—Ummmmmm…

It’s tough to come up with something for Marlins fans. They haven’t had a winning season since 2010 or made the playoffs since 2003. The team recently cut ties with the great Ichiro Suzuki, and it sounds like Giancarlo Stanton has one foot out the door.

There are rumors that Marcell Ozuna and Christian Yelich could be on the move also. Add in the tragic death of Jose Fernandez last year, and it’s a tough time to be a Marlins fan.

They do have new ownership, but in the process of selling the team, outgoing owner Jeff Loria made a healthy profit after years of mismanagement. In 2002, Loria weaseled his way out of Montreal to take over the Marlins from John Henry, who got the Red Sox.

Loria paid $158.5 million for the Marlins 15 years ago and sold them for $1.2 billion. That’s a nice return on your investment. Surely the new ownership group will be better than Loria?

Maybe. One of the first moves the new regime made was to fire Andre Dawson, Tony Perez, Jack McKeon and “Mr. Marlin” Jeff Conine. How this happened was shameful. Reportedly, Derek Jeter didn’t want to fire them himself, so he asked David Samson, who had already been told he was getting the ax, to fire Dawson, Perez, McKeon, and Conine. It takes cojones to ask someone you’ve already fired to fire other people for you.

New York Mets—Thor

The imposing figure of a six-foot-six man with long flowing locks stands on a pitcher’s mound in Queens.

He’s “armed” with a 101 mph fastball that he can fire at the plate with incredible accuracy, not unlike the mighty Thor, Norse God of Sky and Thunder. His name is Noah Syndergaard.

Syndergaard missed most of the last MLB season but was just as good as he’s always been when he did get on the mound. In three seasons and 364 innings, he has a 2.89 career ERA, which is fourth best in baseball for pitchers with 350 or more innings since 2015.

Off the field, he’s popular on social media, where he’s posted pictures of very ugly Christmas party sweaters, fired a tweet at Kate Upton, and regularly battled with Mr. Met. New York Mets fans can be thankful for Noah Syndergaard, especially if he comes back fully healthy and capable of throwing triple-digit thunder once again.

Philadelphia Phillies—The Phillie Phanatic

One of the elder statesmen of MLB mascots, the Phillie Phanatic has been entertaining fans at Phillies games since 1978. He’s as Philadelphia as Rocky and cheesesteaks and the Liberty Bell.

He’s appeared on The Simpsons and The Late Show with David Letterman. He’s been a skydiver, a zipliner, and an ATV-er. His talent is multifaceted.

The Phanatic will tell you (through pantomime) that his favorite moments with the Phillies were riding in the World Series parades in 1980 and 2008. He also has fond memories of his battles with Tommy Lasorda, although Lasorda may not feel the same way.

In 2005, the Phanatic received the highest honor a mascot could attain, induction into the inaugural class of the Mascot Hall of Fame, along with the Phoenix Suns Gorilla and the Famous Chicken. While the Phillies go through year six of a team rebuild, their fans can be thankful for the Phillie Phanatic.

Washington Nationals—The Scherzer Stomp

The Scherzer Stomp can appear at any time, but it most often emerges late in the game when Max Scherzer is surging with emotion during a well-pitched game. He’ll get the ball back from the catcher and stomp around the mound briefly with fire in his heterochromatic eyes until it’s time to pitch again.

Then he fires one in there for another strikeout and stomps around the mound again. The strikeouts add up, the stomping continues, and every fan knows Scherzer is in control. It’s a wonderful thing to see, and something Nationals fans can give thanks for this Thanksgiving.

NL Central

Chicago Cubs—Brizzo

Despite the playoff loss by the Cubs this season, Cubs fans can still be thankful for their 2016 World Series championship. When you go as long as they did without a title, you can let the thankfulness carry over to another year, and no one will judge you.

Those fans who have put the 2016 title behind them can still be thankful for two crucial pieces of that team that continued to excel this year, Kris Bryant and Anthony Rizzo (Brizzo!).

Based on Fangraphs WAR, the only player better than Kris Bryant over the last three years is Mike Trout. Rizzo is ranked 14^th in WAR during that time, but he makes up for some of the deficit as the unofficial team leader.

Joe Maddon isn’t a big fan of naming someone a team captain, but if he were to do so, it would likely be Rizzo. If it ever happens, maybe Bryant can be his right-hand man.

Cincinnati Reds—Joey Votto

Despite what Marty Brennaman thinks, Joey Votto is awesome. He’s astonishing. He’s amazing. He’s incredible. Pick a superlative, and that’s Joey Votto. Mr. Personality of the MLB. Don’t listen to Reds announcer Marty Brennaman. He’s wrong. He went on the Reds Hot Stove show in Cincinnati last January and railed about Votto.

You could practically hear the blood boiling in Marty Brennaman’s veins. He thinks Joey Votto is overpaid, that he walks too often, that he isn’t clutch, and doesn’t drive in enough runs, but mostly that he’s overpaid.

Votto then went out and had a terrific season. He led the league in walks and on-base percentage and was an All-Star for the fifth time. He scored 106 runs, drove in 100 runs, and hit 36 dingers.

It was an MVP-caliber season. He didn’t win the NL MVP Award, but he was about as close as you can get. He lost it by two points.

On top of all that, he won the Esurance MLB Award for Best Player-Fan Interaction. In a game last August, Votto hit a home run in the seventh inning, then gave a six-year-old fan named Walter Herbert a high-five and the jersey off his back.

The fan, nicknamed “Superbubz” was battling cancer and his smile was seen around the world after the interaction with Votto. He later came back to be an honorary team captain. Sadly, he died on October 6. Votto was among the many mourners.

Milwaukee Brewers—Bob Uecker

Bob Uecker has been an announcer with the Brewers for nearly as long as the team has existed. After a six-year career in the major leagues during which he hit .200/.298/.287 and was worth exactly 0.5 Wins Above Replacement, Uecker began announcing Brewers games on the radio in 1971. He’s been there ever since.

He also became a nationally-known personality through Miller Lite commercials in the 1980s (“I must be in the front rowwwww”) and over 100 appearances on The Tonight Show.

He was one of Johnny Carson’s all-time favorite guests. He was on the sitcom Mr. Belvedere for six years in the late-1980s and appeared on other TV shows and in the movie Major League (“Juuuussssst a bit outside”).

One of the greatest Wrestlemania’s of all time was Wrestlemania III in Pontiac, Michigan, in 1987. Uecker was the ring announcer for the epic Hulk Hogan versus Andre the Giant main event.

He’s now in the celebrity wing of the WWE Hall of Fame. He is also in the National Sportscasters and Sportswriters Hall of Fame and the National Radio Hall of Fame.

The Brewers have honored him with the number 50 in their “Ring of Honor,” put his name on the Wall of Honor inside Miller Park and erected a statue outside the park. When Uecker received the Ford C. Frick Award by the Baseball Hall of Fame in 2003, he went up there without any notes and gave one of the best speeches ever at the ceremony.

Pittsburgh Pirates—PNC Park

After three straight MLB playoff seasons from 2013 to 2015, the Pirates haven’t had a winning record in each of the last two years. They do have PNC Park, though, and it’s the best ballpark in baseball.

The ballpark has only two decks, so it feels old-school but with all of the modern amenities. The view of the Pittsburgh skyline is incredible. Pirates rooters can be very thankful for PNC Park.

Fans can stay in a hotel downtown and walk across Roberto Clemente Bridge for a ballgame (which I’ve done). They also have terrific seats right on the field down the first and third base lines for fans with disabilities.

Many MLB stadiums have accessible seating in the very last row, with a noisy walkway full of people right behind them. PNC did it right. Even when the team isn’t winning, Pirates fans can enjoy the best park in the game.

St. Louis Cardinals—The Uniform

Cardinals fans will tell you that the thing they have most to be thankful for is themselves (“the best fans in baseball”). They have some support for this assertion.

Forbes ranked MLB’s best fans using quantitative data, including hometown crowd reach, television ratings, attendance, merchandise sales and social media reach. St. Louis Cardinals fans finished at the top of the rankings.

According to Nielsen Scarborough, 76 percent of St. Louisans watched, attended, or listened to a game last year, tops in baseball for the fourth year in a row. They’ve been at the top 11 times in the previous 15 years and were second in the other four years. This city loves its team.

Still, this is Thanksgiving, and it would come off as conceited to declare that the thing St. Louis Cardinals fans have to be most thankful for is themselves, even if they would all smugly agree. So the Cardinals uniform is the pick.

The overlapping and interlocking STL on the hat is classic, and the team’s signature bird perched on the bat is a reminder that the Cardinals have the most World Series titles of any NL team.

NL West

Arizona Diamondbacks—The G Men

Diamondbacks fans can be thankful for the best two players on the team, Paul Goldschmidt and Zack Greinke, who I am calling The G Men even though I don’t think anyone else calls them that. Goldschmidt is the most boring player alive. All he does every year is hit something like .300/.400/.550, with 170 or so hits, 30-something homers, and around 100 RBI.

He’s a metronome. Wind him up, put him at first base for 155 games, and watch him go: single to right, double in the gap, home run to left center. The most interesting thing about Paul Goldschmidt is that he’s 6-foot-3, weighs 225 pounds and has 71 stolen bases in the last three years.

That’s good for 12^th in baseball. During that time, Goldschmidt has just two fewer steals than Mookie Betts in 31 more infrequent plate appearances. He’s incredible.

The other G Man, Zack Greinke, wouldn’t have been on this list at the end of his first season in Arizona last year. After signing a 6-year, $206.5 million contract, he had a 4.37 ERA in 156.7 innings.

He bounced back with a 3.20 ERA in 202.3 innings this year and helped the Diamondbacks make the playoffs for the first time in six years.

Of course, if you’re Pat Neshek you are definitely NOT thankful for Greinke. Neshek is not Greinke’s biggest fan after Greinke refused to sign an autograph for him this year. Given Greinke’s history of social anxiety and depression, I think Neshek could have been a little more understanding. Maybe he should read this collection of Greinke stories by Joe Posnanski.

Colorado Rockies—Charlie Blackmon’s Beard

Charlie Blackmon’s career can be defined by the two eras: pre-beard and with-beard. When his face was squeaky clean, Blackmon had a career batting line of .291/.321/.416. With the beard, Blackmon has hit .308/.366/.512.

That’s like going from 2017 Brandon Phillips to 2017 George Springer simply because of an abundance of wonderful whiskers. The bearded Blackmon was one of the ten best players in baseball this year. Rockies fans can be thankful for that.

Los Angeles Dodgers—The Clayton Kershaw Curveball

The Dodgers’ talented left-handed starting pitcher Clayton Kershaw can throw a 93 mph fastball and 89 mph curve, but it’s his incredible 73 mph curveball that is a true thing of beauty. It’s a wonderful looping curve that can tie left-handed hitters in knots . . . When they aren’t ducking out of the way of the pitch.

Kershaw’s curveball caught the attention of legendary announcer, Vin Scully, back in 2008, when the 19-year-old hurler tossed a rainbow curveball that caught Sean Casey looking at strike three.

Scully proclaimed, “Oh, what a curveball! Holy mackerel! He just broke off Public Enemy No. 1.” Be thankful, Dodgers fans, be very thankful.

San Diego Padres—Great Weather

Even as the Padres continue a playoff dry spell that dates back to 2006, their fans can be thankful for the wonderful San Diego weather. If Goldilocks were searching for a place to live, she would pick San Diego. It’s not too hot; it’s not too cold, it’s just right.

The annual low temperature is 57 degrees. The yearly high temperature is 70 degree. The city has around 43 days per year with precipitation, or about once every nine days. That is certainly livable.

San Francisco Giants—Buster Posey

The Giants were an absolute mess last season. Madison Bumgarner was injured for half the season, Matt Moore was hot garbage on the mound, and Matt Cain limped to the finish line of his 13-year career, all with the Giants.

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The team had its worst season since 1985, back when the entire team combined for a .299 OBP and lost 100 games.

The one thing they had going for them and the thing Giants fans should be thankful for, is Buster Posey.

Like clockwork, Posey had a good season with the bat and the glove.

He hit .320/.400/.462 and was worth 4.3 WAR. That makes six straight years with 4 WAR or more.

Posey is about five solid seasons from being one of the 10 best catchers in baseball history.

Next: Joey Votto: Mr. Personality of Major League Baseball

No matter who your favorite MLB team is, we all have something to be thankful for, some more than others.