Seinfeld Festivus for the rest of us: Airing our MLB grievances

MLB Seinfeld Festivus: We air our grievances

We’ve got a lot of problems with you people; now, you’re going to hear about it, beginning with Bud Selig. 

Even though the former MLB Commissioner is nearly three years retired from office, he has plenty of wrongs to account for, especially neglect.

First off, why in the world would you let an All-Star game end in a tie? A tie is like kissing a sibling, and that’s exactly how that felt for us fans after the 2002 MLB All-Star game. 

How hard would it be to have a unique rule, where players can re-enter? Or, allow one of the hundreds of MLB players in attendance to pitch, for Festivus’ sake.

Let’s not forget that the steroid era went down under your watch — which you probably knew about, but the revenue flowing in made you turn a blind eye.

Even worse, you used Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa, Alex Rodriguez, Mark McGuire, and others as scapegoats, when it’s documented that many other MLB players were PED users.

Better yet, suspending Alex Rodriguez for 211 games was flat-out ridiculous. Hold a grudge, much?

Next, let’s turn the page to the present day and age, with the current Commish, Rob Manfred. How in the world did you allow the New York Yankees to acquire Giancarlo Stanton from the Miami Marlins, among others, allowing a considerable shift of power to swing back towards the hated evil Empire?

Speaking of the Miami Marlins. “Marlins Man” or so you are called. Who in the world do you think you are? Feeling entitled enough to enter a town hall meeting in Miami, going toe to toe with MLB legend Derek Jeter. Not only that, “Marlins Man,” you had a list of demands for the Yankee great and acted like you own not only the Marlins but MLB itself.

Hey, “Marlins Man” do us a favor and just go away. No one likes you.

Phew, all of this yelling has got us hungry. How about some yummy Festivus dinner, compliments of Estelle Costanza?

MLB Seinfeld Festivus: Feats of Strength

Until you pin me, Festivus is not over.

George Constanza is scarred for life, after getting pinned by his father time after time during Festivus yeat after year.

The MLB Seinfeld version, however, is more of a recognition of accomplishment, so don’t worry, we aren’t going to start a fight.

Giancarlo Stanton. 59 long bombs, each one a site to see. The 2017 National League MVP will venture to the hitter-friendly American League, so if healthy, maybe he may approach the great Barry Bonds mark of 73 long bombs.

Nevertheless, his 2017 slate was impressive, most impressive indeed.

His new teammate, Aaron Judge, flexed his muscle as well, setting an American League rookie record for home runs in a season with 52 long balls. The “Feats of Strength” these two sluggers will accomplish together is just mindblowing.

On a more serious note, the award and winner of the feats of strength is the city of Houston and the Houston Astros. What a fantastic story of rising above tragedy, capping off all of the grief and sadness with the city’s first World Series championship.

Now, sports and baseball title cannot replace the loss of life and devastation, but it helps. It really helped people get through those incredibly difficult times.

Houston, you are the true MVP, with Jose Altuve taking home the award for the entire city.

MLB Seinfeld Festivus: It’s a Festivus miracle

(Kosmo) Kramer’s epic “it’s a Festivus miracle” is so ironic and funny. Each time he would say such line, the moment was not indeed a miracle, but a disaster was going on for that particular character.

However, for our sake for the MLB Seinfeld version, we’ll encompass a bit of both worlds. It’s a Festivus miracle that the Los Angeles Angels landed International sensation Shohei Ohtani, attempting to gain ground on the MLB champion Houston Astros.

Another miracle for the Angels is landing perennial All-Star Ian Kinsler and locking up Justin Upton this offseason. Who needs the divine intervention from “God’s messengers,” when you have the Festivus miracle magic?

It’s also a Festivus miracle that MLB fans aren’t all taking out loans or maxing out major credit cards. With the cost of tickets, concessions, and parking, its no wonder these MLB contracts are as substantial as they are this day and age.

We’ve already aired our grievances, but it’s both a grievance and a miracle with the cost of being an MLB fan. Let’s not forget those who purchase all of the expensive MLB channels. Ah, but we digress.

MLB Seinfeld Festivus: The Pole

Festivus cannot conclude without the pole, so there’s no better time to bring back Tal’s Hill than for Festivus.

It’s a “Festivus miracle” that no MLB outfielder met their dire end, but it was quite the adventure for 16 seasons.

The pole is long gone and the hill leveled to add more seats in the stands, but the “8th wonder of the world” is truly missed.

In Seinfeld:

The Festivus Pole is the ultimate symbol of an anti-Christmas holiday, it is plain looking, unencumbered by branches and decorations, and it is relatively inexpensive.

Now that we’ve aired our grievances, ate our Festivus meal, competed in the feats of strength, and brought back Tal’s Hill for the pole, Festivus can now conclude.

Next: Major League Baseball embraces Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Festivus is our heritage and part of who we are, and now, it’s part of the MLB culture thanks to us. Embrace this holiday, those of you who are fed up with the fluff of the other holidays or need a place to vent about your favorite — or most hated MLB team.