MLB handy holiday gift shopping guide for each team
AL East
Baltimore Orioles—A Time Machine
With a time machine, the Orioles could go back to October 4, 2016. It’s the late innings of the AL Wild Card game, and they’re tied with the Blue Jays, 2-2. Chris Davis is coming off a 38-HR season in the first year of a 7-year, $161 million contracts.
Mark Trumbo had just hit 47 bombs and driven in 108 runs. Manny Machado had just completed his second straight season with at least 6.5 WAR. And they have the world’s best reliever at the time, Zach Britton, ready to be deployed from the bullpen.
Britton never pitched in that game, of course, and the Orioles lost in 11 innings.
The following year, Britton struggled with injuries, Machado dropped to a 2.8-WAR season, Trumbo hit less than half as many homers, and Davis had his worst season since 2011. The Orioles finished 75-87 and dead last in the AL East.
Now Britton is out with an Achilles rupture, Machado is a year from free agency, and Trumbo and Davis are a year older. With a time machine, the Orioles and their fans could remember the good old days that now seem longer ago than the calendar would lead you to believe.
Boston Red Sox—J.D. Martinez
Like the U.S. and U.S.S.R in the 1980s, the Red Sox and Yankees are escalating their arsenals in a baseball arms race. The Yankees recently landed the biggest warhead out there, Giancarlo Stanton. The Red Sox need to answer with the next-best thing available, J.D. Martinez.
If you prefer a less warlike analogy, let’s go to the monster truck arena. The Yankees adding Stanton is like hitching a ride with the monster truck known as Grave Digger. The Red Sox need to find their Bigfoot and J.D. Martinez looks like the best option.
New York Yankees—Gerrit Cole
Like Ralphie in A Christmas Story, everyone knows what the Yankees want. Ralphie wanted a Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot, range model air rifle. The Yankees want Gerrit Cole. You know it. I know it. The Yankees know. The Pirates know it. Now they just need to get it done.
Tampa Bay Rays—Dolla, dolla bills, y’all
Prior to last season, the difference between the Rays’ payroll and the Yankees’ payroll was approximately $130 million. Sixteen teams had entire payrolls of $131 million or less, including the Rockies, Indians, Astros, Twins, and Diamondbacks, all of whom made the MLB playoffs.
With an inferior stadium that drew an MLB-low 15,670 fans per game last year, the Rays will struggle to compete with the Yankees and Red Sox in the AL East until something changes.
They even had to say goodbye to Evan Longoria this offseason because they don’t have the Benjamins to pay him.
Toronto Blue Jays—Health
With Josh Donaldson, Marco Estrada, J.A. Happ, and Steve Pearce set to be free agents after this year; the Blue Jays need good health to make a final run at one last playoff spot during the Josh Donaldson/Jose Bautista era that no longer includes Bautista, who is a free agent.
Among this group, Donaldson is vital. He only played 113 games last year but still played at an elite level when he was on the field. To his left, shortstop Troy Tulowitzki had another injury-marred season.
He played just 66 games. Behind the dish, Russell Martin played 91 games, the fewest of any season in his career. Pitcher Aaron Sanchez missed most of the season. If everyone comes back healthy, the Blue Jays can be an MLB wild card team.
AL Central
Cleveland Indians—The ToddFather
If Cleveland follows through on their plan to move Jose Ramirez from third base to second base and put Jason Kipnis in the outfield mix, they should find a better third base option than Giovany Urshela or Yandy Diaz.
Mike Moustakas would be nice, but he’s likely a bit costly for Cleveland. MLB Trade Rumors projects him to sign a five-year, $85 million contract as a free agent.
Todd Frazier, on the other hand, is projected for a three-year, $33 million contract.
The ToddFather would probably prefer to stay with the Yankees in New York, which is close to where he grew up in New Jersey, but perhaps he could be persuaded to sign with another elite team in the American League. Cleveland could be that team.
Chicago White Sox—Patience
The White Sox won’t be any good this year. They’re projected to lose 99 games by the FanGraphs depth charts. They should have a bright future, though, with Yoan Moncada, Lucas Giolito, and Reynaldo Lopez at the big league level and some of the best prospects in baseball on their way.
These prospects include outfielders Eloy Jimenez, Luis Robert and Blake Rutherford, and pitchers Michael Kopech, Dylan Cease and Alec Hansen. There won’t be many wins this year, but all the White Sox needs is just a little patience.
Detroit Tigers—Bartolo Bolon and Ichiro Suzuki
The Tigers are looking at a 70-win season with a costly payroll that includes $72 million going to three players—Miguel Cabrera, Jordan Zimmermann, and Victor Martinez—who are projected to be worth 3.6 WAR total.
They will also be paying the retired Prince Fielder six million and the now-Houston Astro Justin Verlander eight million.
With the outlook being both bleak and expensive, the Tigers might as well have some fun. They should throw a few million at 45-year-old Bartolo Colon and 44-year-old Ichiro Suzuki.
At least they would be fun to watch. Can you imagine them playing in a national league park and Bartolo Colon somehow getting on base then Ichiro coming up and lining one into the right field corner? The race to home would be epic.
Kansas City Royals—Hoz
The story of the Kansas City Royals and Eric Hosmer is a familiar one. Hoz was drafted with the third overall pick in the first round of the 2008 MLB draft and came up through the minors as a highly-regarded young prospect.
His future was bright, like Luke Skywalker in “A New Hope” (the very first Star Wars movie that was released, which is episode IV).
Despite the early promise of young players like Hosmer, Mike Moustakas, Lorenzo Cain and Alcides Escobar, it took some time for the team to gel.
It all came together in 2014, when the Royals took the Giants all the way to Game 7 of the 2014 World Series, only to lose to the San Francisco Madison Bumgarners.
They finally got to the promised land in 2015, when they won the World Series against the Mets and Hosmer was their spiritual leader. This episode of the Kansas City Royals ends with a glorious scene of the team celebrating their World Series victory.
Their parade was the equivalent of Princess Leia giving medals for heroism to Luke and Han on Yavin IV.
But the Empire struck back in 2016. The Royals dropped to .500 and missed the playoffs and Hosmer wasn’t close to the player he’d been during their title run.
The 2017 season wasn’t any better for the Royals, who finished 80-82. Hosmer, though, had the best season of his career, with a .318/.385/.498 batting line.
That strong season took him into free agency, where he is represented by Scott Boras, aka the Darth Vader of baseball. Darth Boras is pushing Hosmer as a $200 million player, and his Hosmer binder includes a “tangible measurement of something impossible to measure tangibly,” according to the Kansas City Star.
At $200 million, Hosmer would be out of the Royals’ price range. Darth Boras and Eric Hosmer will have to see what the market says. Hosmer is flirting with the dark side, but the Royals would love to see the return of their Jedi in 2018.
Minnesota Twins—Alex Cobb
Cobb isn’t on the Yu Darvish or Jake Arrieta tier of free agent pitchers, but when was the last time the Minnesota Twins signed a high-priced free agent pitcher?
They added a second-tier starter in Ervin Santana a few years ago and that contract has worked out well. Cobb hasn’t been as durable as Santana, but he could be a similar bargain if he can stay healthy.
Should he sign with the Twins, Cobb would be a nice starter to complete an effective trio along with Santana and Jose Berrios.
AL West
Houston Astros—Wade Davis or Greg Holland
According to Fangraphs, the defending MLB world champion Houston Astros are still the best team in baseball. They are projected to win 97 games and lead MLB in scoring.
That shows how good their lineup is from top to bottom. They also have a great one-two punch atop the starting rotation in Justin Verlander and Dallas Keuchel, with Lance McCullers and Charlie Morton adding depth.
The team’s biggest problem towards the end of last year and into the postseason was the bullpen.
They’ve added Joe Smith and Hector Rondon and still have Ken Giles, Joe Musgrove, Chris Devenski, and Will Harris, among others. The quantity is there, but they still lack a top-tier closer. Wade Davis or Greg Holland could be that guy.
Los Angeles Angels—Peanuts for the gigantic elephant in the room
The Fangraphs depth charts project the Angels to have league average production (2.0 WAR) at every position in the lineup except for two, first base and DH. The first base spot belongs mainly to C.J. Cron and is projected for 1.2 WAR. That’s not very good.
Even worse is the DH spot, which is primarily the domain of the gigantic elephant in the room, Albert Pujols. The big man is projected for 0 WAR as a DH.
The only reason the team is expected to be above replacement-level is the 0.7 WAR projected for Shohei Ohtani in 280 plate appearances.
Sadly, Pujols just isn’t very good anymore and the Angels need more production if they want to challenge the Angels in 2018. He’s hurting the team on the field, with a replacement-level projection after being two wins below that mark last year.
He’s also hurting the team financially with four more years and $114 million still left on his contract. Get your peanuts in bulk, Angels, because you’ll need plenty to feed that gigantic elephant in the room.
Oakland Athletics—A new ballpark, please
The A’s longtime search for a site to build a new ballpark feels like it’s back to square one after the recent decision by Peralta Community College to break off negotiations with the team.
Previously, the team had been unsuccessful in efforts to establish a ballpark site in Fremont and San Jose.
Their current stadium, the aging Coliseum, is considered one of the worst venues in the big leagues. It’s been around since 1966 and is the only MLB park that is still shared with a football team (the Raiders, for two more years).
In a post from July, Cheatsheet.com, named it the second-worst MLB stadium. Only the Tampa Bay Rays’ Tropicana Field was worse.
Seattle Mariners—The Return of the King
No, not that king. The Mariners would like to see the return of King Felix Hernandez, who used to be their ace. His last elite season was in 2014 when he had a 2.14 ERA (2.56 FIP) in 236 innings. He finished second in AL Cy Young voting and 10th on the AL MVP ballot.
Since then, he’s aged into his 30s, his fastball velocity has dropped, and his ERA has gone up. He was barely better than replacement level last season. The Mariners would like to see a bounce back.
Texas Rangers—Jake Arrieta
With an MLB starting rotation that consists of Cole Hamels, Matt Moore, Mike Minor, Doug Fister, and Matt Bush, the Rangers need someone like Arrieta or former Ranger Yu Darvish to contribute effective innings.
Hamels will be 34 years old next season and just had his worst ERA since 2009. Moore and Fister have a history of arm injuries. Minor and Bush are trying to convert from the bullpen to the rotation.
Arrieta comes with his own issues, having pitched fewer innings than the year before in each of the last two seasons, but he would almost definitely be more reliable than the non-Cole Hamels starters on the team.
He’s projected to be better than Hamels as well. Adding Arrieta wouldn’t put the Rangers on the same tier as the Astros, but it would push them closer to a wild card spot.
NL East
Atlanta Braves—A more creative mascot
No, this isn’t about the name “Braves.” This is about Homer the Brave, the team’s mascot. He’s a guy in an Atlanta uniform with an oversized head.
We’ve seen this before with Mr. Met, who debuted in 1964, and two different Cincinnati mascots, Mr. Redlegs and Mr. Red. Despite the saturated market of big-headed mascots, the Braves introduced Homer in 1989. They should have been more creative back then. They should fix it now.
Miami Marlins—A lump of coal
This one’s for ownership <cough> Derek Jeter <cough>. After trading away Dee Gordon, Marcell Ozuna, and Giancarlo Stanton, and firing iconic Marlins Andre Dawson, Tony Perez, Jack McKeon, and Jeff “Mr. Marlin” Conine, it’s a big lump of coal in the stockings for the Miami Marlins ownership this year. The fans deserve much better.
New York Mets—A baby binky
This is another one for the ownership, specifically Mets owner Fred Wilpon. He was reportedly “irate” about the Yankees trading for Giancarlo Stanton.
It seems he gets angry every time the crosstown Yankees make a move. Hey, Fred, do you want me to call you a wambulance?
Philadelphia Phillies—An Eagles’ Super Bowl championship
The Phillies did their holiday shopping early when they signed Carlos Santana to play first base. They also picked up Pat Neshek and Tommy Hunter to fortify the bullpen. And their minor league system is producing major league ready players who need a chance to play.
The Phillies won’t be contenders in 2018, but they’re on their way. In the meantime, the Philadelphia Eagles have the best record in the NFL heading into their game on Christmas Day against the Oakland Raiders.
They haven’t been to the Super Bowl since 2004 and have never won the big game. It would be a nice holiday gift to see them get a win on Christmas Day and the top seed heading into the playoffs.
Washington Nationals—New presidents for the mascot race
On July 21, 2006, the Washington Nationals Presidents Mascot Race was born. For the first seven years, it was a four-man race that included George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, and Teddy Roosevelt.
Teddy was notoriously awful. He didn’t win a single race for the first six years. He even failed to win the final Presidents Race at RFK Stadium, despite getting help from the team’s bullpen members, who held back the other three racers.
Alas, Teddy must have missed the memo because he was shown on the video board at unfinished Nationals Park.
The race continued at the team’s new stadium, but Teddy still couldn’t buy a win. He had the lead numerous times, but something always came along to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.
He was even attacked by the Racing Pierogis. His losing streak stretched to 525 games before he finally got that first long-elusive victory on October 3, 2012.
William Howard Taft was added to the races in 2013. He lasted four years on the circuit before disappearing last season.
Calvin Coolidge had a one-and-done year in 2015 and Herbert Hoover came and went for the 2016 season, leaving the original four as the sole competitors last year.
It’s time for some new blood, starting with a little bit of diversity. Franklin Delano Roosevelt should get in the mix using a racing wheelchair. Barack Obama, as our only non-white president, should get a chance.
Richard Nixon could join the fray and attempt to obstruct his way to victory. And throw in JFK, who would certainly be popular with the ladies.
NL Central
Chicago Cubs—Yu Darvish
Hey, Cubs! Yu know yu want him. Yu know yu can afford him. Yu know your biggest need is starting pitching. Yu should just go get yu and be done with it.
Cincinnati Reds—Three more Joey Vottos
The Reds are projected to win 72 games this year by the Fangraphs Depth Charts, so they’ll need to find another 15 wins or so to be a wild card contender.
That’s about three more Joey Vottos. With the current Joey Votto handling first base, the other three Joey Vottos would have to be distributed around the field.
Luckily, Joey Votto throws right-handed, so he isn’t limited to specific positions. The three additional Joey Vottos can be placed at third base, left field, and right field.
Then you would have a nice balance of Joey Vottos on each side of the field. Of course, with Joey Vottos in the outfield corners, the Reds will definitely need Billy Hamilton in center so he can catch a record-setting number of fly balls.
Milwaukee Brewers—A trade partner
The Brewers recently signed free agent starting pitchers Jhoulys Chacin and Yovani Gallardo, which is definitely shopping at the thrift store when it comes to starting pitchers.
If Yu Darvish or Jake Arrieta were less costly and less risky, maybe the Brewers would shop at the high-end store. But both are over 30 and seeking long and lucrative contracts. The Brewers will likely pass.
Instead, they could look to trade for a starting pitcher. They’d like to get out from under the Ryan Braun contract, which has 3 years and $56 million remaining, with a fourth year at $15 million or a $4 million buyout.
The trouble is, dealing Braun would be more salary relief than team building. They’d prefer to get something back in a trade, with a starting pitcher being at the top of their list.
That leaves Domingo Santana, Eric Thames, and Keon Broxton as potential trade pieces currently at the major league level. Thames is signed to a very friendly contract and Santana and Broxton are a year away from arbitration.
If Broxton could come close to being the player he was in 2016, rather than the player he was in 2017, he could bring back a solid MLB starting pitcher. Maybe the Brewers can convince someone he is.
Pittsburgh Pirates—A direction
What’s it going to be, Pirates? Are you going to trade Gerrit Cole, Andrew McCutchen, Josh Harrison, Francisco Cervelli, and whomever else you can to reload for the future?
Or are you going to sit there all wishy-washy and hold on to Cole for another two years and McCutchen for another year and just end up with draft picks? Make a decision! Choose a direction! Do something!
St. Louis Cardinals—Wade Davis or Greg Holland
Some years you know generally what you want as the perfect gift, but you haven’t decided on the specifics. Maybe you want a gaming console but don’t know if you should get the Xbox One or the PlayStation 4.
You do your research. You compare the costs. You try to imagine which one you would enjoy more, then you make a decision.
The Cardinals need a closer and the best ones on the free agent market are Wade Davis and Greg Holland. Davis put up a 1.45 ERA in 241.3 innings over the last four years, but he’ll be 32 years old, has had some arm issues, and was used heavily in the recent postseason.
Holland will also be 32 years old and missed the entire 2016 season with Tommy John surgery before bouncing back with 41 saves last year. Which one will it be, Cardinals?
NL West
Arizona Diamondbacks—Jonathan Lucroy
No team is projected to get less production from the catcher position than the Arizona Diamondbacks.
The Fangraphs depth charts project Jeff Mathis, Chris Herrmann and Jon-Ryan Murphy to combine for 0.7 WAR, which is a half-win worse than the 29th-ranked team (Philadelphia). Signing Lucroy would instantly move them up near the middle-of-the-pack.
Colorado Rockies—Mark Reynolds
If the Rockies want to bring Mark Reynolds back for another year, he should jump at the chance. Reynolds has been with the Rockies for two years and hasn’t cost much, just $4.1 million total.
This is good because he hasn’t been worth all that much either, just 1.0 WAR total. Coors Field has been very, very good to him and he might want to stay there to keep his career going.
Over the last two seasons, Reynolds has hit .301/.389/.546 at Coors Field, good for a 116 wRC+. That means he’s been 16 percent better than league average on offense after league and ballpark effects are taken into account.
Away from Coors Field, it’s a different story. Reynolds has hit .247/.318/.397, which is a below-average 89 wRC+. If the Rockies make him an offer, Reynolds should accept.
Los Angeles Dodgers—Frosted sugar cookies
The Dodgers have everything they could ever want, including a set lineup, one of the best starting pitchers in baseball and one of the best closers in baseball.
They’re basically as hard to shop for during the holiday season as your grandparents who live on the golf course and vacation in Palm Springs every winter. You can’t get them anything they don’t already have, so just make them some frosted sugar cookies. Unless they have diabetes.
San Diego Padres—Hall of Fame induction for Trevor Hoffman
As a kid one year, I asked for a baseball bat for Christmas. When I woke up bright and early on Christmas morning and ran to the living room to look at all the gifts under the tree, there it was: an easily-identifiable baseball bat-shaped present wrapped in red and green paper.
Under the Padres’ tree, this year is a wrapped present that looks remarkably like longtime Padres reliever Trevor Hoffman. He’s on the cusp of entry to the Baseball Hall of Fame (80 percent on the publicly-released MLB Hall of Fame ballots, according to Ryan Thibodaux on Twitter) and the Padres and their fans would love to see him get there this year.
San Francisco Giants—A center fielder
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Roster Resources currently has Steven Duggar listed as the starting center fielder for the Giants.
I don’t know which of the 19 Duggar children Steven is, but I don’t think he’ll be starting for the Giants on Opening Day. This is an MLB team that is set to win now, especially with the recent addition of 32-year-old Evan Longoria.
The Giants were rumored to be in talks with the Pirates about Andrew McCutchen, but McCutchen doesn’t seem like a good option for the spacious outfield at AT&T Park. His defensive metrics are not impressive. Lorenzo Cain isn’t the fielder he once was, but he’s better than McCutchen.
Jarrod Dyson would be a good option for the left-handed hitting side of a center field platoon if the Giants don’t want to spend the money on Cain.
Next: Fun fact rankings of American League ballparks
MLB teams are hoping for this gifts, and not coal under the tree. Will 2018 be a season of good cheer, or, more like Seinfeld’s Festivus?