New York Yankees Kevin Kernan should sue himself for plagiarism

New York Yankees and New York Post beat writer Kevin Kernan has written thousands of wonderful words about the Bronx Bombers. Some phrases are so good, however, that now someone is plagiarizing the man’s original work. It turns out, it’s Kevin Kernan.

The New York Yankees draw much media attention. Some deficient scribes like myself spend more money on the electricity it takes to power my computer while I write than my remuneration recovers.

But I have a deep psychological need to be called an idiot in the comments section, so I soldier on.

Then there are the guys doing it for cash. I call them the people I’d like to be. Like Kevin Kernan over at the NY Post. I’m not sure which I’m jealous of more, his paycheck or writing ability, but both leave me far behind.

In fact, I was saying as much to my wife just the other day. I was reading some of Mr. Kernan’s fine prose aloud. She has to put up with that kind of stuff all the time.

Anyway, I was reading some delightfully delicious turns of phrases, and enjoying the way they felt as they tumbled from my tongue when I noticed something quite disconcerting: There seemed to be an almost unethical usage of repeated phrases.

A Show Me State of Mind

However, as there is no use explaining the mountain when you see it stretched out above and before you, it is best to share the raw data in this case, as well. Here, now, is just a portion of what are supposed to be two completely different articles.

These sets of quotes come from articles posted 8.5 hours apart. The first one is entitled, Yankees must show they can take the show on the road, while the second is, Gregorius delivering so much he’s getting curtain calls on the road. The quotes of suspiciously similar nature are presented below in pairs, always in that order.

As you can guess, one was posted right before the New York Yankees Friday night game in Anaheim, the other soon after. But they weren’t that far apart. To wit:

For all their 11-5 success at Yankee Stadium, the Yankees are 4-4 on the road — a small sample size indeed.

For all their 11-5 success at Yankee Stadium the Yankees need to do well on the road and they…

That wasn’t so bad. But then there was,

One of the problems for the Yankees early in the season, Boone noted, is that with all the bad weather they have faced they could not get extra hitting in like on Friday. Boone grew up in SoCal, so he knows all about this perfect baseball weather.

and,

One of the problems for the Yankees early, Boone noted, is that with all the bad weather they have faced they could not get extra hitting in like they did Friday. Boone grew up in SoCal so he knows all about this perfect baseball weather.

Okay. Try this:

The Yankees and Boone are trying to build the perfect baseball team.

The Yankees and Boone are trying to build the perfect baseball team at home and on the road so they added some extra batting practice five hours before facing the Angels.

And it kept going like that.

The Red Sox are off to an 8-1 start at home entering Friday. They have already played 15 road games before the calendar flips to May. They have posted 11 wins in those 15 games, giving them confidence that they can beat any other team in any other place. The Red Sox run differential is a gaudy plus-65.

The Red Sox are off to an 8-2 start at home. They already have played 15 road games before the calendar flips to May. They have posted 11 wins in those 15 games giving them confidence they can beat any other team any other place. The Red Sox run differential is a gaudy plus-64.

Then there was,

But here are some scary numbers: Despite the Yankees still getting it together, they are off the charts in many categories. They entered Friday leading the majors in OPS with an .826 mark, 143 RBIs, 392 total bases, 39 home runs and a slugging percentage of .475. The Angels were second in home runs with 36.

versus,

But here are some scary numbers. Despite the Yankees still getting it together they are off the charts in many categories. They went into the night leading the majors in OPS with an .826 mark, RBIs 143, total bases 392, home runs 39 and slugging percentage at .475. The Angels are second in home runs with 37.

Alright, you get the point. I’m not sure I do, but I assume someone does.

But I always say the best way to learn to be a pro is to learn FROM the pros. And from what I can glean, Mr. Kernan uses some sort of Yankees Mad Libs format for every post.

In order to be just like him, I have created the beginnings of mine own, presented here.

Tonight, the Yankees played (choose any MLB team).

And (pick a degree of luck), their (adjective) bats were really (a state of being) tonight.

One thing you can always count on from the 2018 Yankees, though, is an (adjective) (any stat in baseball), which proved to be the case tonight.

More from Call to the Pen

They are off to a (add one win or loss to the total already here as appropriate) start, which is (pick a superlative).

Now if only (any Yankees pitcher) can do what is needed and (repeat/fix) what he did last time, the Yankees will be fine.

All eyes were on (any Yankees position player) as he continued his (adjective) hitting.

In fact, just one look at his (any stat) over the last (measurement of time) makes that perfectly clear.

Hopefully, he can do (just as well/a whole lot better) during the team’s upcoming games at (pick any MLB park).

There’s a Madness Alright

Once again, I feel certain you get the point. I only hope Mr. Kernan and the Post do. Remember, it’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt. However, I believe the Supreme Court’s ruling in Fogerty v. Fantasy would apply here, so the plagiarism thing is probably not going to happen.

But even if the worst crimes committed were laziness and poor journalistic standards, they are still worthy of notice.

Next: Aaron Judge and his most important new offensive tool

Before I go, I must point out that it was my wife who thought of the Mad Libs analogy, which unlocked this entire article. She’s a big-time Yankees fans and knows more than all you SOB’s combined.

If don’t believe me, follow her on Twitter @cc_christiana to find out for yourself. And, please, stop reading Mr. Kernan’s Yankees articles every day. Just read one a weak, I’m sorry, I meant week, and then update your stats each day.

Or come up with your own New York Yankees mad libs. That’s how I’m going to write my articles from now on.

And then I can be just like the NY Post’s Kevin Kernan.

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