Seattle Mariners: ranking the Players Weekend nicknames

OAKLAND, CA - AUGUST 15: Nelson Cruz #23 of the Seattle Mariners bats against the Oakland Athletics in the top of the third inning at Oakland Alameda Coliseum on August 15, 2018 in Oakland, California. (Photo by Thearon W. Henderson/Getty Images)
OAKLAND, CA - AUGUST 15: Nelson Cruz #23 of the Seattle Mariners bats against the Oakland Athletics in the top of the third inning at Oakland Alameda Coliseum on August 15, 2018 in Oakland, California. (Photo by Thearon W. Henderson/Getty Images)
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Seattle Mariners
SEATTLE, WA – AUGUST 22: Starter Marco Gonzales #32 of the Seattle Mariners delivers a pitch during a game against the Houston Astros at Safeco Field on August 22, 2018 in Seattle, Washington. The Astros won the game 10-7. (Photo by Stephen Brashear/Getty Images)

Seattle Mariners nicknames 21-25

  1. “D-Span” (LF Denard Span)—D-Span is still just a slight variation on Denard Span’s full name, so it’s not all that creative but it’s better than Seager, Haniger, Romine and Tuivailala. When he was with the San Francisco Giants last year, Span went with “Spaniard.”
  1. “Dukie” (RP Zach Duke)—Not to be confused with the Green Day album with the name “Dookie” that rose to No. 2 on the US Billboard 200, this “Dukie” is another variation on the player’s last name. I liked that album back in the day, so “Dukie” gets a spot higher on this list than similar last-name-variation nicknames.
  1. “Gonzo” (SP Marco Gonzales)—Gonzo is another variation on the player’s actual last name, but anything with a “z” in it is going to get some bonus points. The biggest problem with “Gonzo” is that it makes me think of either former Arizona Diamondbacks outfielder Luis Gonzalez or the ambiguous muppet who self-identifies as a “whatever.”
  1. “Papa Paz” (RP James Pazos)—Pazos won’t be with the Mariners in Arizona this weekend because he was sent down to Triple-A a few days ago. His nickname is similar to the others at the bottom of the list, but it has the added “Papa,” which has made all the difference. “Papa Paz” rolls off the tongue quite nicely.
  1. “Worm” (C Chris Herrmann)—When he was with the Diamondbacks last year, Chris Herrmann’s Players Weekend jersey read “Herrm the Worm,” which is much better than simply “Worm.” Had he once again gone with “Herrm the Worm,” he would rank higher. For those without kids, “Herman the Worm” is from an award-winning CD called “Action! Fun! Dance!” Based on my viewing of that video, Herman the Worm has quite an appetite for fruit.