Seattle Mariners: ranking the Players Weekend nicknames

Seattle Mariners players have some great nicknames lined up for their upcoming Players Weekend series against the Diamondbacks.

King Felix, Boomstick, and Big Maple. Sugar, El Mambo, and Z. If you’re a Seattle Mariners fan, you know the famous nicknames, but you may not know who Mito or Bubba or Tui are. You can probably guess who Papa Paz or D-Span are, but Varis may be a head-scratcher. Now that Players Weekend is upon us, you’ll find out who all these players are.

For the upcoming weekend games, most MLB players will be wearing jerseys with their nicknames on the back instead of their last names. This annual event commenced last season and is a way for players to express their personal style. Having player’s nicknames on their jerseys is a way for MLB to appeal to the hometown fans and to a younger demographic.

Along with the nicknames on their jerseys, players are free to use bright colors and interesting designs on their cleats, batting gloves, wristbands, compression sleeves, catcher’s masks and bats. For a sport that is often bogged down in its traditional ways, it’s a weekend when creativity is embraced. Many players have custom designed gear just for this weekend.

The nicknames for players on the Seattle Mariners have been released and there are some creative and not-so-creative choices. Some players will go by the nickname most commonly associated with them and others have chosen nicknames that few, if any, fans will recognize. Thankfully, only one of the 29 Mariner players whose nicknames have been revealed will be eschewing a nickname and will instead go with his actual last name.

With Players Weekend upon us, here is my personal rank of the 29 nicknames the Seattle Mariners chose for this occasion.

Seattle Mariners nicknames 26-29

1. “Seager” (3B Kyle Seager)—Last year, Kyle Seager had one of the more amusing nicknames when he went with “Corey’s Brother.” Corey Seager is Kyle’s younger brother who was the NL Rookie of the Year and finished third in NL MVP voting in 2016. This year, Kyle is simply going with his own last name. That’s boring. By going with his last name, Seager’s nickname rating from 2017 to 2018 has plummeted, perhaps further than any other player in baseball.

1. “Meech” (RF Mitch Haniger)—With this nickname, Mitch Haniger is barely more creative than Kyle Seager. Instead of simply using his last name, Haniger is using his first name with a very slight alteration. It barely registers on the creativity meter. The main reason it ranks higher than “Seager” is because it reminds me of Sofia Vergara when she talks to “Meech” and Cam on “Modern Family.”

1. “Romi” (INF Andrew Romine)—Meh. Sub-replacement-level utility infielder Andrew Romine has simply shortened his last name to Romi and used that for Players Weekend. That’s not very creative. If another player went with Michelle and the two sat next to each other on the bench during the game, that would have been impressive (“Give me 20-year-old movie references for $400, Alex.”).

1. “Tui” (RP Sam Tuivailala)—Much like Romine (above), Sam Tuivailala is simply using a shortened version of his last name. The reason he ranks higher than “Romi” is that the nickname “Tui” has a history in Seattle. Marques “Tui” Tuiasosopo was a quarterback for the University of Washington Huskies who once passed for over 300 yards and ran for over 200 yards in a 35-30 victory over the Stanford Cardinal at Husky Stadium. At the time, he was only the third player in NCAA history to achieve that feat. He went on to play in the NFL for six years with the Oakland Raiders.

Seattle Mariners nicknames 21-25

1. “D-Span” (LF Denard Span)—D-Span is still just a slight variation on Denard Span’s full name, so it’s not all that creative but it’s better than Seager, Haniger, Romine and Tuivailala. When he was with the San Francisco Giants last year, Span went with “Spaniard.”

1. “Dukie” (RP Zach Duke)—Not to be confused with the Green Day album with the name “Dookie” that rose to No. 2 on the US Billboard 200, this “Dukie” is another variation on the player’s last name. I liked that album back in the day, so “Dukie” gets a spot higher on this list than similar last-name-variation nicknames.

1. “Gonzo” (SP Marco Gonzales)—Gonzo is another variation on the player’s actual last name, but anything with a “z” in it is going to get some bonus points. The biggest problem with “Gonzo” is that it makes me think of either former Arizona Diamondbacks outfielder Luis Gonzalez or the ambiguous muppet who self-identifies as a “whatever.”

1. “Papa Paz” (RP James Pazos)—Pazos won’t be with the Mariners in Arizona this weekend because he was sent down to Triple-A a few days ago. His nickname is similar to the others at the bottom of the list, but it has the added “Papa,” which has made all the difference. “Papa Paz” rolls off the tongue quite nicely.

1. “Worm” (C Chris Herrmann)—When he was with the Diamondbacks last year, Chris Herrmann’s Players Weekend jersey read “Herrm the Worm,” which is much better than simply “Worm.” Had he once again gone with “Herrm the Worm,” he would rank higher. For those without kids, “Herman the Worm” is from an award-winning CD called “Action! Fun! Dance!” Based on my viewing of that video, Herman the Worm has quite an appetite for fruit.

Seattle Mariners nicknames 16-20

1. “Spike” (SP Mike Leake)—According to this piece at MLB.com, Mike Leake has allowed his team’s traveling secretary to pick his nickname for both Players Weekends. Last year, when he was with the Reds, it was “Sparky.” This year, “Spike.” That’s not bad, but the one and only true Spike in Mariner’s history is Spike Owen, the scrappy shortstop with the team from 1983 to 1986. It may surprise readers to know that Spike Owen’s real first name is Spike. It’s not a nickname. Four other MLB players have gone by Spike, but only Spike Dee Owen was truly named Spike. The others were imposter Spikes, like Mike Leake this weekend.

1. “Black Bear” (RP Chasen Bradford)—This is an apt nickname for the six-foot-one, 229-pound pitcher with the bushy black beard. Actually, “Black Beard” would probably be even better and all it would take is another “d.”

1. “The Horse” (RP Alex Colome)—This is an interesting one. Colome says this nickname is a reference to being the horse of the bullpen. Last year, Craig Calcaterra pointed out that Colome was suspended for taking Boldenone in 2014. Boldenone was developed as a horse steroid, so for Colome to use that as his nickname during Players Weekend was a bold choice, Cotton.

1. “Arenoso” (RP Juan Nicasio)—The word “arenoso” means sandy, as in sandy soil or sandy mountains. It’s also Nicasio’s hometown near San Pedro de Macoris in the Dominican Republic.

1. “Bubba” (1B Ryon Healy)—Healy was born in California, so his nickname is not a Southern thing like Forrest Gump’s buddy Bubba in the movie “Forrest Gump.” That Bubba was from Bayou La Batre, Alabama. Healy says his name (presumably spelled the more common way, with an “a” instead of an “o”) was very popular when he was a kid, so his dad called him “Bubba.”

Seattle Mariners nicknames 11-15

1. “Cubiche” (P Roenis Elias)—According to the Urban Dictionary, “cubiche” means “someone who emigrated from Cuba.” The second definition says it’s a derogatory term used by non-Cuban Latin Americans. Elias is from Cuba, so he presumably wouldn’t be using it in a derogatory way. In the book “Unbecoming Blackness: The Diaspora Cultures of Afro-Cuban America,” author Antonio Lopez writes that cubiche “connotes a close, often humorous, in-group recognition.”

1. “Mito” (P Erasmo Ramirez)—Ramirez is another player using his childhood nickname. “Mito” means “myth” in Spanish. Ramirez said it plays off his first name, but I don’t know how.

1. “Slim” (CF Cameron Maybin)—Maybin wanted to go with “Spider-Mayb” because when he used to play for San Diego announcer Dick Enberg called him “Daddy Long Legs.” “Spider-Mayb” was a natural progression. That’s a little too close to “Spider-Man,” though, so Maybin is going with “Slim,” which is what his dad calls him.

1. “Nolo” (INF Robinson Cano)—Last year, Cano’s Players Weekend jersey had “Don’t You Know” on the back, which was pretty cool. “Don’t You Know” was bestowed upon him by New York Yankees announcer John Sterling back when Cano played in the Bronx. This year, he went with “Nolo,” which is a childhood nickname given by his aunt. He says people who really know him still call him that.

1. “The Warden” (RP Adam Warren)—As Warren tells it, a few years ago he was asked by an autograph-seeking fan to sign his nickname. Warren didn’t have a nickname, but the fan said he saw online that Warren’s nickname was “The Warden” so that’s what Warren signed on the ball. It’s the only one out there. Down the stretch this season, Mariner fans would like to see Adam “The Warden” Warren pitch like Norm “The Sheriff” Charlton did during the team’s 1995 playoff run.

Seattle Mariners nicknames #6-10

1. “Z” (C Mike Zunino)—“Z” isn’t bad. It’s short. It’s simple. It has a “z” in it. There’s a lot to like about the minimalism of “Z.” It’s not fancy or complicated. It doesn’t require much depth of thought. You don’t need to contemplate the complexity of “Z” as a nickname. You know where it came from and you know why it’s there. That being said, if you’re a Mariner fan who has watched Mike Zunino bat all year long, you have to wonder why he didn’t just go with “K.”

1. “Hubba Hubba” (RP Nick Vincent)—“Hubba Hubba” sounds like something the kids in The Sandlot would say about Wendy Peffercorn.

1. “Varis” (2B/CF Dee Gordon)— Dee Gordon is the son of Tom “Flash” Gordon and has at times been called “Flash Gordon Jr.,” which is also his Twitter handle (@FlashGJr). For this year’s Players Weekend, he’s using the nickname “Varis.” This one is simple. “Varis” is a variation of Dee Gordon’s real first name, which is Devaris. In the history of MLB, there have been nine players who went by the name Dee, but only two of them were actually named Dee. The others were Dermal, Edward, Wilson, DC, Damon, Leo and Devaris.

1. “Frenchy” (SP Wade LeBlanc)— Translated from French to English, “LeBlanc” means simply “The White.” When he faces the Diamondbacks on Saturday, it will be Wade The White, or “Frenchy,” squaring off against Robby Ray, who is going with “Bob.” Former major leaguer Randy Ready is the man to be credited for Wade LeBlanc’s nickname. Ready started calling LeBlanc “Frenchy” when the left-handed pitcher was in Low-A.

1. “Buzzy” (RP Dan Altavilla)—When you’re a kid and your favorite movie is Toy Story, you get the nickname “Buzzy” or “Buzz.” Altavilla has painted cleats with Buzz Lightyear and Woody to go with his nickname.