An open letter from the Sporting Gods to Phillies fans

In order that Phillies fans are afforded a thoroughly frustrating end to their season, the Sporting Gods have provided them with some questions to answer.

As the MLB season draws to a close, we here at The Sporting Gods, Baseball Division, sincerely hope you have enjoyed another summer of being totally toyed with. We are especially proud of the effort we made in 2019 with the Frustratin’ Phils!

We know our work is always cut out for us with Phillies after that hideous 20th century, and we always assign our best frustrators to your team in order to ensure a fruitfully hair-pulling experience. As always, we are sorry for your season.

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We know without asking that your hopes as Phillies fans were high to start the season, and trust that your teeth-gnashing this year was of the highest quality. After loading up your squad with one of the high-profile stars in the game and three other All-Stars, we had a tough row to hoe.

As your team now stands an excellent chance of ending up in fourth place with a losing record – or a winning one – which might be worse, we would like you to answer a brief survey so that we may end your season properly. Please enter your letter answers in the Comments section.

1. Which was the Phillies management’s most serious miscalculation as the season began:

a. that starter Aaron Nola would duplicate his stellar, inspiring effort of the 2018 campaign;

b. that right fielder Bryce Harper’s 30-plus home runs and 105-plus RBI would be “enough”;

c. that shortstop Jean Segura would contribute a professional effort every day, every play;

d. that starters Nick Pivetta, Vince Velasquez and Zach Eflin would be worth inspiring;

e. that manager Gabe Kapler’s happy talk would be tempered with a dose of honesty?

2. Which of the following Phillies phenomena from this season is unlikely to ever happen again:

a. catcher J.T. Realmuto’s Gold Glove-level season behind the plate and 4.3 WAR;

b. rookie Adam Haseley’s surprisingly solid season;

c. starter Jake Arrieta breaking down;

d. first baseman Rhys Hoskins going into the final week of the season hitting under .240;

e. left fielder Andrew McCutchen’s All-Star play level prior to tearing up his knee?

3. Which of the following occurrences from this season is most likely to happen again for Philadelphia in 2020:

a. the Phillies manager will defend an on-field move that totally backfired with an analytics observation;

b. Harper will make it nearly impossible to point to even one play that he didn’t exert maximum effort for;

c. Pivetta, Velasquez and Eflin will all be in spring training camp;

d. Realmuto will throw out 40-plus base stealers (over 45%);

e. GM Matt Klentak will pass on at least three available, useful starters at the trade deadline?

4. What is most likely to occur in the last week of this Phillies season or the week immediately following it?

a. The team will make a miraculous run and snatch a Wild Card away from the Brewers, Nationals, or Cubs.

b. One of the principal core players (Harper, Realmuto, Hoskins, Segura, or Nola) will suffer a serious injury involving a broken bone or soft tissue tear.

c. By an odd confluence of events, either Pivetta, Velasquez, or Eflin will finish the season with a winning record.

d. Manager Kapler will be fired.

e. GM Klentak will be fired.

We thank you for your time and promise you a major surprise before the next Eagles win. Will it be positive or negative? Well, you probably know…. Keep an eye on that next to last Marlins game.

dark. Next. Chicago Cubs: The revitalization of Yu Darvish

Sincerely,

Abner Doubleday

Gen. U.S. Army (Ret.) and President, Baseball Division

The Sporting Gods

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