MLB: Five Hilariously Absurd Stats to Brighten Your Day

Need a boost in your day? Take a look at some of the most absolutely ludicrous stats in MLB history.

Baseball statistics have come a long way. Sabermetrics and StatCast have changed the way we analyze success. However, baseball’s deep history has produced some insane statistics that you don’t need a Master’s degree to be in awe of.

In the 21st century, baseball has shifted away from the traditional approach of evaluating success in favor of a more analytical one. Front offices used to be composed entirely of former players and those close to the game. But now, for better or worse, they consist of math buffs who never stepped foot on a baseball diamond.

Every year, it seems a new advanced statistic appears out of nowhere to become the new obsession among baseball analysts. For those of us that do not have a degree in math, stats like wOBA+ and ISO can be a bit confusing- and boring.

However, despite all the advanced statistics, baseball is a strange game at its core. MLB has been full of strange personalities, but even more absurd events. Randy Johnson famously killed a bird with a pitch during a preseason game, while Dock Ellis rather infamously pitched a no-hitter on LSD.

But beyond all the random occurrences, some of the game’s best have produced ridiculous stats throughout their careers. Many players accomplish feats and milestones throughout their careers, but few have produced legitimate statistical absurdities like the ones mentioned in this list.

The careers of Tony Gwynn, Greg Maddux, and Barry Bond are anomalies in their own rights, which have naturally produced some of the most impossibly hilarious stats the world has ever seen. The best part? They don’t include advanced stats, so even the most passive baseball fan can appreciate their ridiculousness.

So, if you don’t plan on being a baseball analyst, you probably don’t need to pursue a Master’s degree to enjoy baseball. Instead, you can sit back, relax, and enjoy this simple list of some of the most hilariously absurd statistics in MLB history.

Five Hilariously Absurd Stats to Brighten Your Day

Eddie Murray’s invisible batting title

Even though batting average is becoming a less valuable statistic in the modern era, winning a batting title is still a coveted accomplishment. In 1990, the race for the NL batting title took the most obscure turns in the history of the sport.

Here’s what happened:

Willie McGee was one of the league’s premier leadoff hitters. Coming into the 1990 season, he was a four-time All-Star and 1985 NL MVP in the middle of his prime. He continued his excellent contact hitting, posting a .335 average in 125 games with the Cardinals.

But this is where it gets weird. By late August, the Cardinals were sitting a the bottom of the NL, and looked to rebuild. Thus, they traded McGee and his expiring contract to the Oakland Athletics for three minor leaguers. McGee helped contribute to the A’s pennant run, but ended up lowering his full season average to .324.

However, his 501 NL at bats qualified him for the NL batting title, locking in his .335 once he departed for Oakland. This is where Eddie Murray comes into the picture. Murray was a superstar in his own right. He was seven-time All-Star in his twelve seasons with the Orioles, and a key part of their 1983 championship run.

Now, Murray was 34, and in his second season with the Dodgers. He was in the midst of one of his best seasons, and in pursuit of his first batting title. At the end of the season, he finished with a league-leading .330 batting average. It was six points higher than McGee’s, and 1 higher than George Brett’s AL-leading .329 mark.

However, because of McGee’s qualification, he won the batting title over Murray. As a result, Murray became the only player ever to lead the league in batting average and fail to win a batting title. Murray will likely remain the only to ever accomplish this agonizing feat, as the MLB eliminated the August 31st trade waiver deadline that allowed McGee to be shipped to the A’s so late into the season.

At the end of the day, Eddie Murray had the last laugh over McGee, as he received a Hall of Fame induction in 2003. McGee, who won an MVP and stole the 1990 NL batting title from Murray, but fell off the Hall of Fame ballot in 2006.

Five Hilariously Absurd Stats to Brighten Your Day

Greg Maddux: man or machine?

Whether or not you grew up watching Greg Maddux dominate major league hitters, you probably have a sense of how good he was. The man is a legend, and the best pitcher of his generation. Contrary to the modern power pitcher, Maddux was a master of control and finesse, which made him one of the most efficient pitchers to ever step on a mound.

As a result, Maddux achieved an outstanding array of career accolades. From 1992-95, he won four-straight NL Cy Youngs. He finished his illustrious Hall of Fame career with a 3.16 ERA, 3,371 strikeouts, 17 Gold Gloves, and one of the best two-seamers ever thrown.

Thus, naturally, Maddux and his machine-like control generated some truly ridiculous numbers. A few years ago, a meme surfaced featuring a crazy Greg Maddux stat:

Now that’s insane. This meme went viral in the baseball community, showcasing Maddux’s excellence to the younger generation that didn’t have the pleasure of watching him in his prime. However, many have come to question the legitimacy of this absurd statistic.

While the number of batters faced and intentional walks is accurate, the wording of this stat is a little misleading. This is because split stats are inherently difficult to interpret in a way like this.

Thankfully, Tommy Poe of Walk Off Walk cleared the air, and revised the wording into a more accurate statistic. The new statistic goes:

“Greg Maddux faced 20,421 batters during his career and only issued 293 four-pitch walks. 153 were intentional.”

That is still insane! This means he only unintentionally walked 140 batters on four-straight pitches. Long story short, Maddux did not give up many free passes. Thus, whichever way you cut it, Greg Maddux was not human.

Five Hilariously Absurd Stats to Brighten Your Day

Tony Gwynn: man or machine?

If Maddux was the robot of pitchers, then Tony Gwynn is the robot of hitters. “Mr Padre” is one of the best and most consistent contact hitters in the history of baseball.

Gwynn’s career statistics are staggering, even in the context of today’s power-over-contact league. His .338 career average ranks put him at 17th all-time, but first among any player post-World War II. Throughout his 20-year career with the Padres, Gwynn only hit under .300 once, and that was in his 54 game rookie year, where he hit an underwhelming .289.

He accumulated 3,141 career hits, and picked up eight batting titles along the way, with his highest mark being .394 in 1994. While Gwynn was one of the best hitters of all time, he was also one of the hardest to strikeout. He never struck out more than 40 times in a season, and finished with more doubles (543) than strikeouts (434).

When you combine his hitting ability with his ridiculous strikeout numbers, the true absurdity of Tony Gwynn’s greatness is revealed. In 2,441 career games, Gwynn posted 45 four-hit games, and only 34 two-strikeout games. Out of all the ridiculous numbers Gwynn put up during his Hall of Fame career, that statistic is by far the most impressive.

Somehow, Mr. Padre never won an MVP award, and largely remained out of the mainstream due to his loyalty to San Diego’s small market. However, he is beloved and respected inside the baseball community for his unbelievable playing career and humble personality.

Even our favorite pitching robot, Greg Maddux, had this to say about him:

Tony Gwynn sadly passed away in 2014 from salivary gland cancer. However, he has gifted baseball fans with an encyclopedia of mind-boggling statistics to analyze and admire. With the way the league is evolving, it is certain we will never see a hitter quite like Tony Gwynn ever again.

Five Hilariously Absurd Stats to Brighten Your Day

Barry. Freaking. Bonds.

I know what you are thinking: Barry Bonds doesn’t count. He is the biggest cheater in the history of sports. He is a liar, and and embarrassment to the integrity of the game and his statistics shouldn’t be included in this list.

But c’mon.

If you are a true baseball fan, you love Barry Bonds statistics. Whether or not you think he should be in the Hall of Fame, there is no denying that he was one of the most electrifying players to ever step on the diamond, and the whole baseball world held their breath time he stepped to the plate.

I mean, just look at this home run at Yankee Stadium (if haven’t already watched it a thousand times):

Asterisk or not, Bonds is the home run king. But beyond his power, the man hit for average, play the field, and steal bases. From 1990 until the day he retired in 2007, he was the most feared hitter in baseball history. And while his ridiculous 12.92 at bat per home run ratio speaks for itself, his career walk statistics truly show how fearsome of a presence he was at the plate.

In his 22-year career, Bonds was not only the all-time leader in walks (2,558), but also the leader in intentional walks (688) by an insurmountable margin. The second-place person on that list is Albert Pujols, with 311 IBBs.

To make matters even crazier, the Tampa Bay Rays completed their 22nd MLB season in 2019. To this point, their entire franchise has produced a total of 606 intentional walks. That means in the same number of MLB seasons, Barry Bonds drew more intentional walks than an entire franchise. That is absolutely ludicrous.

At the end of the day, I believe it is time for the mainstream to get over Bonds’ steroid scandal and appreciate his career for what it was. You can spend hours, or even days, admiring what Bonds did on the field. And in a time where MLB’s immediate future is uncertain, we all need our daily dose of Barry Bonds to satisfy our craving for baseball.