MLB: Five Hilariously Absurd Stats to Brighten Your Day

Need a boost in your day? Take a look at some of the most absolutely ludicrous stats in MLB history.

Baseball statistics have come a long way. Sabermetrics and StatCast have changed the way we analyze success. However, baseball’s deep history has produced some insane statistics that you don’t need a Master’s degree to be in awe of.

In the 21st century, baseball has shifted away from the traditional approach of evaluating success in favor of a more analytical one. Front offices used to be composed entirely of former players and those close to the game. But now, for better or worse, they consist of math buffs who never stepped foot on a baseball diamond.

Every year, it seems a new advanced statistic appears out of nowhere to become the new obsession among baseball analysts. For those of us that do not have a degree in math, stats like wOBA+ and ISO can be a bit confusing- and boring.

However, despite all the advanced statistics, baseball is a strange game at its core. MLB has been full of strange personalities, but even more absurd events. Randy Johnson famously killed a bird with a pitch during a preseason game, while Dock Ellis rather infamously pitched a no-hitter on LSD.

But beyond all the random occurrences, some of the game’s best have produced ridiculous stats throughout their careers. Many players accomplish feats and milestones throughout their careers, but few have produced legitimate statistical absurdities like the ones mentioned in this list.

The careers of Tony Gwynn, Greg Maddux, and Barry Bond are anomalies in their own rights, which have naturally produced some of the most impossibly hilarious stats the world has ever seen. The best part? They don’t include advanced stats, so even the most passive baseball fan can appreciate their ridiculousness.

So, if you don’t plan on being a baseball analyst, you probably don’t need to pursue a Master’s degree to enjoy baseball. Instead, you can sit back, relax, and enjoy this simple list of some of the most hilariously absurd statistics in MLB history.

Five Hilariously Absurd Stats to Brighten Your Day

Fernando Tatís’ 8-RBI inning

Fernando Tatís Jr. is one of the most exciting young players in the game today. The 21-year-old phenom is an explosive five-tool talent with MVP-level potential. He was incredible in his injury-shortened rookie season in 2019, finishing third in NL Rookie of the Year voting despite only playing 84 games.

While Tatís Jr. appears primed to create statistical absurdities of his own, it is his father who owns a spot on this list. Fernando Tatís Sr. was an average player throughout his 11-year career across five teams. His best season was undoubtedly in 1999 with the Cardinals, where he hit 34 HRs and 107 RBIs. However, his legacy was cemented in one inning during that season.

On April 23rd, 1999, hit two grand slams in the third inning against the Dodgers. He became the only player to ever record 8 RBIs in one inning. The craziest part? They were both off the same pitcher, Chan Ho Park.

While the lifespan of this statistic only spans one inning, what makes it so impressive is the near impossibility of it being repeated. Throughout MLB history, only 14 players have ever hit two grand slams in one game, not to mention a single inning.

According to Andrew Simon and Tom Tango of MLB.com, the odds of this crazy scenario are roughly 12 million to one. Furthermore, on record, only nine players have ever had a second plate appearance with the base-loaded following a slam earlier in the same inning. Throughout over 3.9 million innings of major league baseball, only eight other players have even had the opportunity to do what Tatís did in 1999.

At first glance, Tatís’ feat is certainly amazing. However, when you dig a little bit deeper, it becomes clear how absurd it really was. If his son manages to repeat his feat, the baseball world might explode. Even if anybody else accomplishes this feat, it will certainly not be off the same pitcher. Sorry Chan Ho Park, you will forever be alone on that one.

Five Hilariously Absurd Stats to Brighten Your Day

Eddie Murray’s invisible batting title

Even though batting average is becoming a less valuable statistic in the modern era, winning a batting title is still a coveted accomplishment. In 1990, the race for the NL batting title took the most obscure turns in the history of the sport.

Here’s what happened:

Willie McGee was one of the league’s premier leadoff hitters. Coming into the 1990 season, he was a four-time All-Star and 1985 NL MVP in the middle of his prime. He continued his excellent contact hitting, posting a .335 average in 125 games with the Cardinals.

But this is where it gets weird. By late August, the Cardinals were sitting a the bottom of the NL, and looked to rebuild. Thus, they traded McGee and his expiring contract to the Oakland Athletics for three minor leaguers. McGee helped contribute to the A’s pennant run, but ended up lowering his full season average to .324.

However, his 501 NL at bats qualified him for the NL batting title, locking in his .335 once he departed for Oakland. This is where Eddie Murray comes into the picture. Murray was a superstar in his own right. He was seven-time All-Star in his twelve seasons with the Orioles, and a key part of their 1983 championship run.

Now, Murray was 34, and in his second season with the Dodgers. He was in the midst of one of his best seasons, and in pursuit of his first batting title. At the end of the season, he finished with a league-leading .330 batting average. It was six points higher than McGee’s, and 1 higher than George Brett’s AL-leading .329 mark.

However, because of McGee’s qualification, he won the batting title over Murray. As a result, Murray became the only player ever to lead the league in batting average and fail to win a batting title. Murray will likely remain the only to ever accomplish this agonizing feat, as the MLB eliminated the August 31st trade waiver deadline that allowed McGee to be shipped to the A’s so late into the season.

At the end of the day, Eddie Murray had the last laugh over McGee, as he received a Hall of Fame induction in 2003. McGee, who won an MVP and stole the 1990 NL batting title from Murray, but fell off the Hall of Fame ballot in 2006.

Five Hilariously Absurd Stats to Brighten Your Day

Greg Maddux: man or machine?

Whether or not you grew up watching Greg Maddux dominate major league hitters, you probably have a sense of how good he was. The man is a legend, and the best pitcher of his generation. Contrary to the modern power pitcher, Maddux was a master of control and finesse, which made him one of the most efficient pitchers to ever step on a mound.

As a result, Maddux achieved an outstanding array of career accolades. From 1992-95, he won four-straight NL Cy Youngs. He finished his illustrious Hall of Fame career with a 3.16 ERA, 3,371 strikeouts, 17 Gold Gloves, and one of the best two-seamers ever thrown.

Thus, naturally, Maddux and his machine-like control generated some truly ridiculous numbers. A few years ago, a meme surfaced featuring a crazy Greg Maddux stat:

Now that’s insane. This meme went viral in the baseball community, showcasing Maddux’s excellence to the younger generation that didn’t have the pleasure of watching him in his prime. However, many have come to question the legitimacy of this absurd statistic.

While the number of batters faced and intentional walks is accurate, the wording of this stat is a little misleading. This is because split stats are inherently difficult to interpret in a way like this.

Thankfully, Tommy Poe of Walk Off Walk cleared the air, and revised the wording into a more accurate statistic. The new statistic goes:

“Greg Maddux faced 20,421 batters during his career and only issued 293 four-pitch walks. 153 were intentional.”

That is still insane! This means he only unintentionally walked 140 batters on four-straight pitches. Long story short, Maddux did not give up many free passes. Thus, whichever way you cut it, Greg Maddux was not human.

Five Hilariously Absurd Stats to Brighten Your Day

Barry. Freaking. Bonds.

I know what you are thinking: Barry Bonds doesn’t count. He is the biggest cheater in the history of sports. He is a liar, and and embarrassment to the integrity of the game and his statistics shouldn’t be included in this list.

But c’mon.

If you are a true baseball fan, you love Barry Bonds statistics. Whether or not you think he should be in the Hall of Fame, there is no denying that he was one of the most electrifying players to ever step on the diamond, and the whole baseball world held their breath time he stepped to the plate.

I mean, just look at this home run at Yankee Stadium (if haven’t already watched it a thousand times):

Asterisk or not, Bonds is the home run king. But beyond his power, the man hit for average, play the field, and steal bases. From 1990 until the day he retired in 2007, he was the most feared hitter in baseball history. And while his ridiculous 12.92 at bat per home run ratio speaks for itself, his career walk statistics truly show how fearsome of a presence he was at the plate.

In his 22-year career, Bonds was not only the all-time leader in walks (2,558), but also the leader in intentional walks (688) by an insurmountable margin. The second-place person on that list is Albert Pujols, with 311 IBBs.

To make matters even crazier, the Tampa Bay Rays completed their 22nd MLB season in 2019. To this point, their entire franchise has produced a total of 606 intentional walks. That means in the same number of MLB seasons, Barry Bonds drew more intentional walks than an entire franchise. That is absolutely ludicrous.

At the end of the day, I believe it is time for the mainstream to get over Bonds’ steroid scandal and appreciate his career for what it was. You can spend hours, or even days, admiring what Bonds did on the field. And in a time where MLB’s immediate future is uncertain, we all need our daily dose of Barry Bonds to satisfy our craving for baseball.