Arizona Diamondbacks pool protected from Los Angeles Dodgers


The  Arizona Diamondbacks were eliminated at home by the Los Angeles Dodgers on Monday night. As with any elimination game, emotions ran high and things could’ve gotten out of hand. Fortunately, the Arizona police jumped into action.

After the Arizona Diamondbacks were eliminated from playoff contention on Monday night, there was a gathering of policemen on horseback set out to right-center to protect the pool in order to avoid a repeat incident of what the Los Angeles Dodgers did back in 2013 after clinching the NL West. That was the Dodgers first of five (and counting) division titles.

The pool remains untainted by Dodger riff-raff thanks to Phoenix’s finest. The Dodgers were wise enough not to attempt any unsanctioned bathing. Had they tried to breach the blue line, the following L.A. players would be the biggest threats to the sanctity of the pool:

Chris Taylor

Taylor is a spry 6’1, 195 lb. versatile athlete. He spent significant time at CF, LF, SS, 2B, and 3B this season, and his 17 stolen bases are a team high. Therefore, he’s probably the quickest of all Dodgers. He would be the prime suspect if anyone were to evade the police and steal a quick dip in the water. Taylor must be the prime reason why there were horses on patrol.

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Kenley Jansen

Jansen is one of the top relievers in baseball. He’s picked on the Diamondbacks plenty; striking out 102 of the 231 he’s faced in his career. More prudently he’s…a large fella. His listed weight is 275 lb. If we’re so worried about preserving the tub, water displacement has to be a concern.

Brandon McCarthy

McCarthy appeared in 19 games for the Dodgers this season, but he wasn’t on the NLDS roster. He was, however, a Diamondback in 2013 and the first half of 2014. He undoubtedly would have enjoyed the sweet, sweet feel of a victory dip. Riding high from the series victory the temptation must be maddening. Surely muscle memory carried him part of the way toward center field, even if only for a few steps. Fortunately, McCarthy is a sharp fellow, and upon seeing the cops on patrol he’s wise enough to pump the brakes and join his teammates in the clubhouse.

Chase Utley

Utley is a borderline Hall of Famer, winding down an exemplary career. At age 38 he’s the oldest Dodger, and should by rights be the most mature. But for all he’s accomplished, not once did he ever swim on a baseball field. With that one glaring hole on his resume, surely he could be forgiven for wanting to test the waters.

Next: Will Boston Red Sox manager John Farrell have a job next season?

While Arizonans are certainly saddened by the early onset of their off-season, they can take pride in their pool remaining unperturbed. For the record, here’s the daily crime report for Arizona while the police kept the water safe.