Jose Canseco promises meeting with aliens and Bigfoot

OAKLAND, CA - SEPTEMBER 03: Former Oakland Athletics Jose Canseco looks on prior to the start of the game between the Boston Red Sox and Oakland Athletics at Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum on September 3, 2016 in Oakland, California. (Photo by Thearon W. Henderson/Getty Images)
OAKLAND, CA - SEPTEMBER 03: Former Oakland Athletics Jose Canseco looks on prior to the start of the game between the Boston Red Sox and Oakland Athletics at Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum on September 3, 2016 in Oakland, California. (Photo by Thearon W. Henderson/Getty Images) /
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Former major leaguer Jose Canseco has continued to sail off into the muddy skies of insanity, as he is promising that people who pay to spend time with him will meet a “real alien” and Bigfoot.

When last we visited former Oakland Athletics star Jose Canseco, he had decided to share his beliefs that aliens were teaching humanity how to travel through time. With concepts straight out of an H.P. Lovecraft story, Canseco proclaimed that the technology existed, at least in regards to those aliens, to send the brains of humanity through time and space. Of course, his claim that he himself had been in the future, and had seen the Super Bowl already, was proven wrong.

While there may be some doubt regarding Canseco and his treks through time, he promises that those aliens are real. In fact, if you spend the money to hang out with him, not only will you get to meet one of those aliens, but he also guarantees a Bigfoot sighting as well.

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One has to feel bad for Morgan, as that phone number must be innundated with people desperate to bask in Canseco’s glory. Let’s face it – what could possibly be better than spending the day with Canseco, a genuine, authentic space alien, and getting to see Bigfoot? It is impossible to put a price tag on that type of experience.

Canseco is known as a man of his word. The only person to be honest about the entire PED scandal, Canseco has built up quite the cache of respectability and integrity over the years. There is absolutely zero chance that this Bigfoot sighting will actually be Ozzie Canseco in a costume. Or that the real alien will just be one of Canseco’s friends in a mask.

These are the experiences that people dream about. These are the moments that, when people look back on their lives, they remember fondly. Stories of that day with Canseco, and the insanity that took place, will echo through the generations, as descendants marvel that one being could have access to the secrets of the universe, and be at the forefront of human-alien-Bigfoot relations.

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Jose Canseco is willing to give people the experience of a lifetime. All it takes is one phone call, and presumably, a large quantity of cash and one can not only spend a day with the former Oakland Athletics star, but also meet a space alien and Bigfoot. As Fry would say, shut up and take my money!