Baltimore Orioles: Tales from Camden Yards

Tales from watching the Baltimore Orioles at Camden Yards that make you miss heading out to the ballpark for a night of fun.

I spent my high-school years in Southern Pennsylvania, and there was nothing quite like taking the hour trek down to watch the Baltimore Orioles. Realistically, we didn’t go down expecting the O’s to win; at that point, they hadn’t had a winning season since 1997, when I was 3.

We went down for the comradery of watching our favorite players take the field together and the adventure of whatever the ballpark would throw at us that day.

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My brother is four years my senior, which was perfect because that meant he could drive us both down to the metro station in Owings Mills, just 30 minutes from our house. We would park there for free and take the metro to the city for just a few bucks.

We’d go down for tons of promotional games, I have floppy hats, t-shirts, and bobbleheads galore, but those weren’t the promotions that I enjoyed the most. That honor falls to the student night games, which happened to be every Friday home game.

The trinkets were cool and all, but I’d much rather get into the game for more than a few bucks cheaper. Even better at Camden Yards, you can bring in any outside food and drinks (non-alcoholic, and no glass bottles) that you want.

When it was all said and done, you could go to the game with a bag full of food and drinks, a ticket, the transportation down and back, all for under 20 bucks a person.

It was a deal that a young high schooler like me lived for. So, just about every Friday night, we’d head down to the park and go to a Baltimore Orioles game for dirt cheap. The thing with student night games is that the target audience wasn’t high school students, it was the college ones.

And when a bunch of college kids can get into a ball game for only a few bucks, you get the predictable result of a bunch of drunk college kids at the game. The Orioles knew this would happen, so, if you bought a student night ticket, they put you in the upper reserve seating right above the third baseline.

This might’ve been a deterrent for some families, but as a young high schooler getting to hang out with a bunch of drunk college kids was part of the appeal. I got to see tons of fights and shenanigans, but there are a few instances that stand out in particular.

The memorable journey to Camden Yards to watch the Baltimore Orioles.

Going down to the ballpark, we’d always take the metro from Owings Mills, Maryland, down to the city. That way we wouldn’t have to worry about city driving or paying for parking. For the most part, there weren’t any issues with the metro.

This time was certainly an exception. My brother, a friend, and I were heading down to the game on the metro when a man came on with a chainsaw case. I was sitting next to my friend, and my brother was sitting directly across from us. The tram was completely empty except for this man and us, yet he chose to sit right next to my brother.

He instantly struck up a conversation, oblivious to the fact that we were more than a little concerned that he had brought a chainsaw onto the metro.

He seemed kind enough; however, there was very clearly something wrong with the man. It wasn’t until he started telling my brother about a magic elixir that he had bought for $40 that always stayed cold that we started to get a little worried.

He talked about it and we just nodded our agreement. Who’s going to argue about a magic elixir with a man on the metro? But then he decided he needed to show us this magical elixir, which meant he needed to open up his chainsaw case.

At this point, there’s no getting off the tram. It’s heading down the track, and all the doors are closed. If he wanted to go Texas chainsaw massacre on us, he’d have plenty of time before the next stop.

Overriding our objections, he opened the case, exposing the fully functional chainsaw inside. He pulled out the liquid and showed it to my brother, he must’ve just bought it because it was still cold. I don’t want to know what might’ve happened if the mentally challenged man had discovered he’d been ripped off when he was with us.

Don’t try to steal at a Baltimore Orioles game in Camden Yards.

I remember it like it was yesterday. I was standing in the concession stand line, with some chicken and french-fries. At these concession stands, you got your food, and we’re corralled to the end of the line where you paid. You were blocked in until you got to the end, so there was no chance of escape.

Because of that, the college kid in front of me waited until he got right in front of the man who collected the payments until he decided to try and make a run for it without paying. When he took off, you could tell that he thought he was running a mile a minute.

But the truth was that he was drunk wobbling and could’ve been caught by a slow toddler. Meanwhile, the attendant was about 6’4” and probably weighed 350 pounds. He was built like he used to be a bodybuilder when he was in college but had let himself go a bit. Not anybody I would want to pick a fight with.

The college kid, on the other hand, was about 5’10” and scrawny. The attendant took off after the would-be thief, leaving me standing there with my food feeling a bit like Napoleon Dynamite standing with his tater tots.

The attendant caught up to him right as he tried to turn into the seating section. The attendant unleashed the cleanest body check I’ve seen to this day. I think Ray Lewis would’ve been hard-pressed to top it. The result was that the college kid’s food went flying, and the kid himself hit the floor.

You’d think that the kid would’ve been taken off to the drunk tank or something, but no. He got up and went back to his seat to watch the game, and the attendant came back like nothing had happened and sold me my chicken and french-fries.

It’s an experience that you wouldn’t get anywhere but a student night game at Camden Yards.